Saturday, June 22, 2013
In about 12 hrs it'll be a full year since my ex asked for the divorce. It's a little weird to think about. I feel soo removed from that life. Almost like it happened to someone else. It's funny last night as I was thinking about it, I had tons that I wanted to say... now it's as if the words have left me.
I'm starting to resort back to some old habits. I think it's why I've been so short in my blogs, causing my block, I don't want to admit to them. I've gotten soo hard on myself with this whole weight thing and it seems like the harder I'm coming down on myself the harder it is to get it done. I feel as though I should be working out harder, better, more often. I'm actually feeling guilty in terms of food that I'm eating and it's wreaking havoc on my self esteem. I feel like I'm looking at my 210 body in the mirror instead of 175. I'm soo frustrated and disappointed with myself for it. It becomes that aweful cyclical behavior, you feel bad, but then you feel worse because you know you shouldn't feel that way about yourself. That negative-self talk sneaks up soo easily.
boo.... three steps forward, two steps backward. Still proud of all that I have have over come over the last year.