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Newspaper Cuttings and the London Underground!

Saturday, June 22, 2013

A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers...

1) 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction.'

2) 'Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any.'

3) 'Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination.'

4) 'Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....'.'

5) 'We are now travelling through Baker Street ... As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that'.

6) 'Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me.'

7) During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: 'Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman... Unfortunately, towels are not provided.'

'Let the passengers off the train FIRST!' (Pause ) 'Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going home....'

9) 'Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open.' The two are distinct and separate instructions.'

10) 'Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors.'

11) 'We can't move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door.'

12) 'To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage -- what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?'

13) 'Please move all baggage away from the doors.' (Pause..) 'Please move ALL belongings away from the doors.' (Pause...) 'This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-eyes, and move your b****y golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your backside sideways!'

14) 'May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage.'

Have a great weekend and a productive week to come, I'll see you all on my return from Norfolk with an update of how the house hunting went.
Incidently..........the one we were after is now sold subject to contract! We rang to make an appt to view this week and the owner had "sold to a close family member"!!!!

I'm not bitter but...............a plague on their house emoticon

Kidding! If something is not meant to's not meant to be

Luv to all emoticon will emoticon all

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
ANNIEONLI 6/30/2013 5:53AM

    Thanks for the morning laugh! Love the humor!
Sorry to hear about the house....another will come about. love your attitude about it! emoticon

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DRAVENFYR 6/27/2013 10:40AM

    OMG!!!!!!! some of those were actually funny!!!!!! thanks for sharing all of it

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BOPPY_ 6/24/2013 2:36AM

    I don't think this would work in NYC, or Chicago.

It probably wouldn't even work in Merrimack, NH.

But .. 'tis funny!

Lee emoticon

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IAMAGEMLOVER 6/23/2013 12:08PM

    emoticon Love them.

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ARTJAC 6/23/2013 2:23AM


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DEE107 6/23/2013 12:15AM

    Have a good and safe trip

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GAYEMC 6/22/2013 11:52PM

    Good ones! I hope you find the perfect house on your trip.

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GRNDMOM43 6/22/2013 8:57PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MARITIMER3 6/22/2013 8:22PM

    Love them!

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ALEXSGIRL1 6/22/2013 7:38PM

    those were funny good luck with the house hunting

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RAINBOWMF 6/22/2013 3:36PM


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CATLADY52 6/22/2013 3:20PM

    Good luck on the house hunting. emoticon

Loved the 'Announcements'. It is nice to know that there are some drivers who have a sense of humor. Even if it isn't expected. emoticon

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DEFIANTVEGAN 6/22/2013 3:07PM


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SHAWFAN 6/22/2013 2:48PM

    Those announcements are great! Good luck with the house hunting! Above all, have fun! emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/22/2013 2:50:49 PM

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0309COOKIE 6/22/2013 1:49PM

    Funny jokes.

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JOYINKY 6/22/2013 12:56PM

    Loved the humor! As for the house; you will find "the right one"; have fun looking!

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ANNEMAC5 6/22/2013 12:27PM

    have a great time, catch you soon

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PATRICIAANN46 6/22/2013 12:15PM

  Hi Caz.........
emoticon ed the Underground jokes!!!

I think that a lot of the fun and intrigue in finding the "Right House" is in the looking and you are just beginning this adventure. I wish you luck in finding the "House of your dreams", but I also wish you a great adventure in finding it.


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GABY1948 6/22/2013 9:42AM

    Awwwwwwwww but all that means is that that house was NOT meant to be the one! YOUR house is still waiting for you with open arms!!!!!! Enjoy and be Safe!!!! emoticon

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IDLETYME 6/22/2013 9:37AM

    You will get the house that was meant for you - just hang in there!!!!
Love the blog!!! emoticon

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KATHRYNLP 6/22/2013 8:39AM

    Have fun emoticon ttfn

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STONECOT 6/22/2013 8:32AM

    As a londoner, I can imagine all those announcements being genuine, I've heard several like them over the years

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WHISPERINGPINE9 6/22/2013 8:28AM

    Good luck to you on your house hunt!

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IMEMINE1 6/22/2013 8:16AM

    Enjoy. Hope you find something.

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    Goodluck on the house hunt.

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SENATOR9 6/22/2013 8:08AM

    Have fun

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JUDY1676 6/22/2013 7:49AM

    emoticon that house was not meant to be! You will find something better!
Have a great time on your trip!

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LOVESLIFE48 6/22/2013 7:49AM

    Love these!!!!

Sorry about the house. I know you will find something better!! Have a safe trip!! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 6/22/2013 7:49AM

    Hysterical! Have a safe AND productive trip! HUGS and smiles.

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MILLISMA 6/22/2013 7:27AM

    Sorry about the house. That's a real bummer.

Thanks for the British humor! emoticon

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NISSANGIRL 6/22/2013 7:24AM

    emoticon thanks so much for the smile!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BEFIT016 6/22/2013 7:19AM

    Those were great, Caz!

Sorry to hear about the house. You'll find something, I'm sure! Good luck!

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LKWQUILTER 6/22/2013 6:47AM

    Funny announcements.

Have a good trip and got my fingers crossed that you find the house you want and it is available for you. ((HUGS))

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HEALTHY4ME 6/22/2013 6:47AM

    Well then clean slate to start looking with an open mnd. at least it wasn't one you desperately wanted, although I do know your frustration. HUGS and have a great time.

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PHEBESS 6/22/2013 3:44AM

    Love the announcements!

And good luck with finding your perfect house!

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MILLIE5522 6/22/2013 3:22AM

    Love those London Underground announcements emoticon

Wishing you a great holiday....hope the sun shines for you emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 6/22/2013 3:21AM

    Great blog,Thanks for sharing. Caz . Have a good trip .. Hugs emoticon emoticon emoticon

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POPSY190 6/22/2013 3:06AM

    I enjoyed this blog. Good luck with the house hunting.

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