Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.


    NEW-CAZ   224,648
SparkPoints
100,000 or more SparkPoints
 
 
Newspaper Cuttings and the London Underground!

Saturday, June 22, 2013

HEARD ON THE LONDON UNDERGOUND
A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers...

1) 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction.'

2) 'Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any.'

3) 'Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination.'

4) 'Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....'.'

5) 'We are now travelling through Baker Street ... As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that'.

6) 'Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me.'

7) During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: 'Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman... Unfortunately, towels are not provided.'

'Let the passengers off the train FIRST!' (Pause ) 'Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going home....'

9) 'Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open.' The two are distinct and separate instructions.'

10) 'Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors.'

11) 'We can't move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door.'

12) 'To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage -- what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?'

13) 'Please move all baggage away from the doors.' (Pause..) 'Please move ALL belongings away from the doors.' (Pause...) 'This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-eyes, and move your b****y golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your backside sideways!'

14) 'May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage.'


Have a great weekend and a productive week to come, I'll see you all on my return from Norfolk with an update of how the house hunting went.
Incidently..........the one we were after is now sold subject to contract! We rang to make an appt to view this week and the owner had "sold to a close family member"!!!!

I'm not bitter but...............a plague on their house emoticon


Kidding! If something is not meant to be...........it's not meant to be

Luv to all emoticon will emoticon all
SHARE
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNIEONLI 6/30/2013 5:53AM

    Thanks for the morning laugh! Love the humor!
Sorry to hear about the house....another will come about. love your attitude about it! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DRAVENFYR 6/27/2013 10:40AM

    OMG!!!!!!! some of those were actually funny!!!!!! thanks for sharing all of it

Report Inappropriate Comment
BOPPY_ 6/24/2013 2:36AM

    I don't think this would work in NYC, or Chicago.

It probably wouldn't even work in Merrimack, NH.

But .. 'tis funny!

Lee emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
IAMAGEMLOVER 6/23/2013 12:08PM

    emoticon Love them.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ARTJAC 6/23/2013 2:23AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEE107 6/23/2013 12:15AM

    Have a good and safe trip

Report Inappropriate Comment
GAYEMC 6/22/2013 11:52PM

    Good ones! I hope you find the perfect house on your trip.

Report Inappropriate Comment
NPA4LOSS 6/22/2013 8:57PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARITIMER3 6/22/2013 8:22PM

    Love them!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALEXSGIRL1 6/22/2013 7:38PM

    those were funny good luck with the house hunting

Report Inappropriate Comment
RAINBOWMF 6/22/2013 3:36PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CATLADY52 6/22/2013 3:20PM

    Good luck on the house hunting. emoticon

Loved the 'Announcements'. It is nice to know that there are some drivers who have a sense of humor. Even if it isn't expected. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEFIANTVEGAN 6/22/2013 3:07PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHAWFAN 6/22/2013 2:48PM

    Those announcements are great! Good luck with the house hunting! Above all, have fun! emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/22/2013 2:50:49 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
0309COOKIE 6/22/2013 1:49PM

    Funny jokes.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JOYINKY 6/22/2013 12:56PM

    Loved the humor! As for the house; you will find "the right one"; have fun looking!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANNEMAC5 6/22/2013 12:27PM

    have a great time, catch you soon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PATRICIAANN46 6/22/2013 12:15PM

  Hi Caz.........
emoticon ed the Underground jokes!!!

I think that a lot of the fun and intrigue in finding the "Right House" is in the looking and you are just beginning this adventure. I wish you luck in finding the "House of your dreams", but I also wish you a great adventure in finding it.

emoticon
Patti



Report Inappropriate Comment
GABY1948 6/22/2013 9:42AM

    Awwwwwwwww but all that means is that that house was NOT meant to be the one! YOUR house is still waiting for you with open arms!!!!!! Enjoy and be Safe!!!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
IDLETYME 6/22/2013 9:37AM

    You will get the house that was meant for you - just hang in there!!!!
Love the blog!!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KATHRYNLP 6/22/2013 8:39AM

    Have fun emoticon ttfn

Report Inappropriate Comment
STONECOT 6/22/2013 8:32AM

    As a londoner, I can imagine all those announcements being genuine, I've heard several like them over the years

Report Inappropriate Comment
WHISPERINGPINE9 6/22/2013 8:28AM

    Good luck to you on your house hunt!

Report Inappropriate Comment
IMEMINE1 6/22/2013 8:16AM

    Enjoy. Hope you find something.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LISACHOSECHANGE 6/22/2013 8:13AM

    Goodluck on the house hunt.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SENATOR9 6/22/2013 8:08AM

    Have fun

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUDY1676 6/22/2013 7:49AM

    emoticon that house was not meant to be! You will find something better!
Have a great time on your trip!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOVESLIFE48 6/22/2013 7:49AM

    Love these!!!!

Sorry about the house. I know you will find something better!! Have a safe trip!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
1CRAZYDOG 6/22/2013 7:49AM

    Hysterical! Have a safe AND productive trip! HUGS and smiles.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MILLISMA 6/22/2013 7:27AM

    Sorry about the house. That's a real bummer.

Thanks for the laughs....love British humor! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NISSANGIRL 6/22/2013 7:24AM

    emoticon thanks so much for the smile!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BEFIT014 6/22/2013 7:19AM

    Those were great, Caz!

Sorry to hear about the house. You'll find something, I'm sure! Good luck!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LKWQUILTER 6/22/2013 6:47AM

    Funny announcements.

Have a good trip and got my fingers crossed that you find the house you want and it is available for you. ((HUGS))

Report Inappropriate Comment
HEALTHY4ME 6/22/2013 6:47AM

    Well then clean slate to start looking with an open mnd. at least it wasn't one you desperately wanted, although I do know your frustration. HUGS and have a great time.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 6/22/2013 3:44AM

    Love the announcements!

And good luck with finding your perfect house!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MILLIE5522 6/22/2013 3:22AM

    Love those London Underground announcements emoticon

Wishing you a great holiday....hope the sun shines for you emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUSIEPH1 6/22/2013 3:21AM

    Great blog,Thanks for sharing. Caz . Have a good trip .. Hugs emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
POPSY190 6/22/2013 3:06AM

    I enjoyed this blog. Good luck with the house hunting.

Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post


Log in to post a comment.