Since Thursday last week, I have been slacking on my calorie counts, exercising and resorting to bad eating habits again. From this week of bad habits, I have gained 10 pounds and have been procrastinating about getting my bum in gear and back on track. I want to blame the Family Reunion, but the reality is I am the only person to blame for losing this much control over my eating habits and slacking on exercising.
I had a reality check today after the doctor’s apt, when I did my counts for the McD’s lunch prior to the doc’s appt. I had for lunch: 2 Hot & Spicy McChicken Sandwiches with Extra Mayo (Kills the heat, since I don’t eat a lot of spicy food) and 2 large cokes at a whopping 1,400 calories. Then I decided to make a quick pasta dish for dinner, cause I was the only 1 here at the house tonight. The pasta dish was another 1,300 calories. Not to mention my baby, making beef tenderloin for breakfast with eggs this morning, as a breakfast in bed kinda thing… I consumed way too many calories, fats, proteins, sodium, and sugars today….. Now, my ankles look like cankles and I feel majorly bloated to the point water pills wouldn’t be able to help.
A part of me is like, ‘dam that was some good food today!’ Another part of me is like, ‘I can’t believe you ate that much food, after doing so well. Now, you’re gonna have to do double work and really put in some major effort in getting rid of the 10 pounds + the weight for your goal, before the 22nd, which incidentally (sarcastic laugh) is NEXT FREAKIN’ WEEK!’
So, here I am going back to square one and recommitting myself to my life style change of eating right, exercising and losing weight. Yet, everything in my being wants to give up hope of being a size 16 and revert back to being a size 34. I have hit my break wall and don’t know if I can get through it or if I just want to give up and admit defeat… I am in an emotional (emo) state of mind or mood right now. The only thing I want to sit and cry out my heart for messing up so bad this past week of binge eating. Yes, I have a sense of entitlement for self-pity.
I’m having a moment and just need to get out of this funk-mood and get back to reality. No more bsing around and no more excuses. This is MY LIFE! I WILL TAKE CONTROL OF MY LIFE AGAIN FOR NO ONE CAN STOP ME, BUT ME…