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    SMCL2222   188
SparkPoints
100-249 SparkPoints
 
 
Day 1

Saturday, June 22, 2013

I'm tired of not being the person I want to be. I never thought I would be at this low of a point in my light. The only thing that I can truly say that makes it bearable is my daughter. She is amazing- a beacon of hope. I need to get back to the right path. But it is SO hard.
I've never had a good relationship with food- ever. My home life when I was young was better than so many, but lacked some fundamental things- namely affection and time from my mother. I have only ever said that to my husband and he mostly just acts like I'm being dramatic when I say I was hurt by it. Since she was never there (and seemed like she just wanted me to go away when she was), she always thrust food on me when I said I was bored or lonely or anything basically. When I turned into a teenager, it was the opposite almost overnight. Suddenly she was telling me I was fat (by this point I was overweight, but only slightly). She only ever bought processed crap and when I asked for anything fresh or healthy like school told me I should eat, she told me to buy it myself. Eventually I just gave up. On my body and myself. Somehow, my relationship with my mother repaired but my relationship with food never did.
Please don't misunderstand- my weight is my fault. I just gave up. Who does that? I feel like a failure. I let my youth disappear into food. I'm afraid and I feel so stupid. Mostly because I am. I just want a new start. Does that even exist?
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POSEY440 6/22/2013 5:08PM

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NIKO27 6/22/2013 2:40PM

    emoticon

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DWROBERGE 6/22/2013 2:51AM

    Keep focused for success.

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JOYFOCUS 6/22/2013 2:08AM

  Spark has some really great educational resources about emotional eating and coming to understand more about how and why we have come to where we are. Even more importantly, though, Spark has lots of resources for getting ourselves out of this poor condition and finding our way to better lives.

You have all my good hope in the world for your success! You are young and sound determined, and you have your little one to strengthen your resolve. Good luck, you can do this!

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SMCL2222 6/22/2013 1:39AM

  Thank you so much for the positive words. They mean so much.

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PINKEUROGIRL 6/22/2013 1:21AM

    You can do it!!

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JIBBIE49 6/22/2013 1:18AM

    Yes, you can start TODAY and do this for yourself.

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