Starting to feel like me again
Friday, June 21, 2013
I'm finally reaching my comfort weight.
Granted, I won't stay here long, but there's a weight above which I just don't feel like myself. And I realized yesterday that, for the first time in about a year, I am below that weight. The majority of my wardrobe fits. My shoes feel nice. While I am still obese, I can move with greater ease.
And that feels really good.
Last July in to August, I began a very stressful period. I had already had my back acting up on me, but then the emotional stress kicked in as well.
Instead of being able to renew my lease, I realized that I did not trust my landlords to treat me fairly and had to make some quick decisions.
As I often do with big choices, I prayed a lot about this and came to the conclusion that I needed to buy a house. And I knew pretty quick which house it was, but there were so many details to cover. I didn't think I was in a position financially to buy a home, but God provided. I had been working a second job, doing some independent contract work. Suddenly, I had almost more clients than I could keep up with. It was a bit stressful, but provided all of the money I needed to buy my home.
Then came the move out, the one month between homes where I stayed with friends, the move in, and through it all, no routine and a lot of unhealthy food.
By the time that was wrapped up, it was winter. The days were short and cold. Winter has always been my kryptonite, but this was especially bad because my usual defense of frequent exercise was no longer a habit.
So I sunk deeper and deeper into my carbed out bliss and spread wider and wider into bigger pants.
And I tried to respark this spring, but for whatever the reason I couldn't get it going.
Then, I decided to try something different. I thought of it as rehab for food addiction. I mean, you can't stop eating altogether, but by using meal replacements (and I went in with no expectation that I would enjoy eating these things) I could abruptly break the cycle.
And it is broken. This week, my roommate was sick and craving sweets. I brought up the box of frozen cookie dough and girl scout cookies I had banished to the basement because I just couldn't stop grazing on them. And now, they aren't even tempting. I see them every time I open the freezer and it's not a problem.
I am tracking my food on here, even when it is meal replacements, reestablishing the habit that will help me successfully maintain my loss.
I know that the next step is making time to exercise more than a few times a week and I know that will be soon.
But right now, I am just taking a minute to enjoy where I am. Feeling in control. Feeling like myself.