A good feeling soured by a bad attitude
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Right off the bat I should clarify that the bad attitude was not coming from me.
The good: after almost 2 weeks of vacation I am back home and starting to work out again. Today was the first time I have come to this gym by myself. This may seem trivial but is big for me. I usually do well when I am held accountable by another person but I am not so great at motivating myself. However, last night I packed my bag for work and I made sure that I included my gym clothes and so I went to the gym. I ended up forgetting something but instead of giving up and going home (totally guilty of that in the past) I went to the Walgreens on the corner and then went to the gym. On top of all of that I was able to complete Week 2 Day 2 of couch 2 5K (even though it was really hard for me today. Maybe because of the 2 weeks off). So, lots of good things today and I was so proud of myself. I feel encouraged each time that I go to the gym that I can do this and I like the feeling of getting stronger. Little by little I care less about what I look like and being self-conscious and more and more I am motivated.
The bad: I have a friend (not a great friend) staying with me because he had to start his new job (same place as me) before escrow closed on his new place. I live in a very small apartment that is really not meant for 2 people and we work together (in the same office even). I was happy to help him out of a bind and I was gone for most of the time he was here. However, he is a very negative person and I think that I forgot that about him. I have a very stressful job and my goal job after this one is very competitive. I try not to think about it too much and focus on the present. I try and stay concerned with meeting my short term goals that are part of my larger long term goals. I need to do this because I have a tendency to be an anxious person and can sometimes suffer from stress-induced insomnia. I finally got all of that worrying under control until he came to town and started crapping on the job that I helped him get (and he very much needed) and my future prospects. This is a long explanation to get to the point that I am a stress eater. Big time. I had made such good progress before he moved here and was getting my emotional eating under control somewhat. It is so hard to stay focused on the positive aspects in my life and the small goals that I am achieving when there is someone around me constantly that is making light of my career and personal choices and that is just overall a very negative person. I came home from the gym in a great mood but had to spend the rest of the night focusing on not binge eating or eating poorly. I was able to resist but it sort of took up all of the joy of my accomplishment today. And now I am sitting here trying to calm the anxious thoughts running through my head so I can go to sleep.
He is only staying with me until next Friday (though it was originally supposed to be this Friday) but I can tell that this is going to take a lot of willpower and an awful lot of patience. Wish me luck!