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    SOULFISH80   13,642
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Picking up the pieces

Thursday, June 20, 2013

It's been a really hard week. I took off from work to pick up the scattered pieces of my fragmented self. I am, as many of you know, bi-polar, and I caught myself going down that all too familiar path towards a manic episode this week. I think I may have caught myself just in time. I am a bit sad, since I thought all of this was behind me. I am so thankful for SP though, just getting on here, reading some blogs and dreaming of a healthier me is making my heart a little lighter. I went to talk to a counselor today, which was really great. I am very thankful to have taken that step. I think it was a really good step in the right direction. I am going to see her weekly for awhile. I don't like spending the money, which is kind of silly because real help is priceless. I'm also going to make an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow. I need some professional help because I don't want to yo-yo with my mental health anymore.

The major highlight of the week was reciving this in the mail yesterday, along with an amazing audio tape and beautiful necklace from the wonderful Miss hippichick. Love that girl!


So happy, and thankful for these beautiful, handmade items. Sponge holder and butter dish, so functional, so beautiful.

I'm thinking I just might get some fit mins in tonight, you guys have really inspired me! Love you all.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VALERIEMAHA 6/28/2013 9:21AM

    Ay yay yay...the crazy fluctuations of life -- from the pure joy of witnessing the "sweet bird of youth" via your nieces and nephews to your own mind trying to betray you -- all within a matter of days. I'm so sorry to hear of your difficulties and so glad to hear of your wisdom in dealing with it!

One of the sources I often turn to when I'm really "on the edge" so to speak, is Pema Chodron. Here is a short passage from her book, _Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living_, which you might resonate with:

http://shonna-intro.bl
ogspot.com/2011/04/balance-word
s-by-pema-chodron.html

In support and solidarity,
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Maha



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RACEWELLWON 6/22/2013 6:32PM

    emoticon I suffer too - so I can relate to what your saying. The Roller Coaster of emotions , sleepless nights , mind running non-stop - I understand . Good for you to take the appropriate steps to heal. Hugs K emoticon

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SCOOTER4263 6/21/2013 3:52PM

    You may find, if you do a little hunting around, that there are social services that charge on a sliding scale. After my husband died, I needed professional support but couldn't afford it. I called the local hospital, they connected me with Hospice who connected me with someone else - net result is 14 weeks of free therapy. It's definitely worth a few phone calls, because it is difficult to spend that money - I know.

You're doing so well, just recognizing that you need professional help is a major step in the right direction. So many people think that depression/ bipolarity is a "character flaw" - if they only knew we have to be twice as strong as the average person just to get from one end of the day to the other sometimes.

It's not just your mental health that yo-yos - it's your whole life, all the bits connected to that up and down-going string. Hang n there. You'll make it. And if you want to Spark Mail me, please feel free. emoticon

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ME_HERE_NOW 6/21/2013 11:58AM

    hey sweetheart! i think you have come so far in your life when you can see that you are at risk of running off the rails. i hope speaking with professionals helps take you to the next level of managing your disorder. you commented on my blog about how you are feeling so far from sparked, which prompted me to check out my fit mins...in the last month and 21 days i've only managed to accumulate 45 mins, an all time low. these feet have really just taken the last little gust i had left out of my sails...and yet it's let me take the time to turn inwards, and that might be just what i need right now.

in your world maybe your mind was calling to you to slow it down, reflect, get right with yourself. you've been going full tilt with work, adventures, travel, relationships. in this workaday world we try to fit it all in, and sometimes something breaks, physically or mentally, and all we can do is breathe and reset. a challenge is not the end of the world, it's a chance to hit things from a different place and figure things out with a new perspective.

you are so loved and so wonderful and hopefully all your supportive friends here in the spark world and out there in the real world can help lift you up and help you put the pieces together in a new way that serves you now. i am truly grateful to have you in my life!

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HIPPICHICK1 6/21/2013 1:14AM

    "...real help is priceless." Oh that is so true! I'm glad you are getting what you need.
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Thanks for the props, babe! I'm really happy that you are happy with your sponge holder and butter dish. It's great to hear that you have a tape player and are enjoying the music.
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The song you mentioned - Comfort Someone - I wrote it after encountering a fellow who very candidly told me that he was so down about how his life was going that he was contemplating suicide as he walked down by the river. I was busking at a market on the river and he heard my voice. He followed it, found me and then he put some money in my guitar case. He stayed and listened to my music for a long time then he asked if he could buy me lunch and that is when he told me of his troubles. We spent the rest of the afternoon on the bank on the river talking. He told me I saved his life that day and so that experience became that song.

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BIGPAWSUP 6/20/2013 10:02PM

    I'm glad you are seeking some help. I hope everything works out.

Remember we are here for you.

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