7,000-8,499 SparkPoints 7,647

Ready To Just Give Up

Thursday, June 20, 2013

emoticon emoticon emoticon

I rec'd some bad news today during a counseling appointment with my daughter, Marissa, who has ODD, ADHD, and is cognitively disabled. (She'll be 18 in September. ) The counselor gave Marissa a scenario in which to handle a conflict with Isabel, her 9 year old sister, and she failed miserably. The counselor looked at me and said "I would highly recommend that you NOT work out of the home." emoticon I've been searching for a job, since my photography business fell apart, and I've been trying to fight my anxiety. emoticon It all started, because of Marissa being abusive to her 9 year old sister in our home. My only choice would be to place my almost 18 year old in a group home. And how is that a choice? NO one would look after her and care about her more than me. I'm at a loss.
We live in low income housing, and our rent is $300 a month. We live on $925 a month for the four of us.

I tried to succeed with a photography business, but when you have other people who get tax returns or have spouses who have money, and they get fancy cameras and equipment and you have nothing... It doesn't work so well. emoticon People don't want to hire someone without proper equipment and pay them. I was doing so well until about 10 other photographers came into the business. Now I'm at the bottom. The only way people want me is if I'm free. emoticon

I've been strong in the past dealing with being way below the poverty level... I've overcome so much in my life... but... A person can only be strong for so long until they crack.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. What kind of mother am I, that I can't provide all that they need materially. I feel like such a low life loser. emoticon

I pray every night, that my 9 year old's SSI appeal will be approved, but I seriously doubt it. She has Sturge Weber Syndrome, and epilepsy.

I just don't know anymore.... .
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sending you hugs and prayers. Hang in there and keep searching. You sound like a wonderful mother that is trying to do all she can. Please don't beat yourself up.
    emoticon emoticon
    1547 days ago
    Is there any workshops in your area that your 18 year old could work in during the day? I know many of my former students have jobs, although the pay is low, but they have a place to go and a job to do. This has also helped them develop friendships outside of the family and also many social opportunities. Hang in there!
    1547 days ago
    I'm so sorry for the difficulties you face. Life is really tough and getting tougher. Thankfully we have a wonderful - non struggling - system ahead of us. I know that doesn't help you now, but its something to hope for and keep you focused on the good life to come. Hope you will get some help and relief somehow soon.
    1551 days ago
    This system of things is not designed to make you happy. Every obstacle possible is thrown in our paths..and some folks seem to get way more than their share. Carol is right (from what I have heard) about the programs that you have applied for. Don't quit..keep trying!!! (wonder of legal aid would help you with these appeals and applications?) As Cinamin said, Keep looking to Jehovah no matter what...HE knows your needs and HE will protect you. Stay close to the congregation. You know you will be in OUR thoughts and prayers.
    1552 days ago
    Lori, hang in there. Being low income has nothing to do with being a good or bad parent or a low life loser. Just keep in mind that SS and SSI will turn you down as much as 3 times before accepting her. The day after the do the turn down, file a new claim, don't just appeal. Appealing just helps them postpone things. If you can, get a SS Lawyer to do it for you, Have them go and claim back to the very first date and they can get you a back settlement and they are only allowed a certain amount of the settlement. Nothing if they don't ssucceed but they should win first time out. emoticon
    1552 days ago
    My 21 year old CAN NOT be left alone with my 10 year old. When the younger one was a baby, he tried to suffocate him. He was crying non stop. My middle son told me about it. I haven't left them alone ever since then. It is hard sometimes, since I won't leave the 10 year old home alone, but I would rather everyone be safe instead of whatever I needed to do by myself.

    I know it seems like there isn't a light at the end of the tunnel, but just keep looking for that light. Jehovah knows what you need, keep asking and he will answer.

    You are in my prayers.

    1552 days ago
    I'm so sorry. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Don't give up!
    1553 days ago
  • FINAL4
    So sorry to hear about your situation and your daughter. It sounds like you've had your share of bad news. Here's hoping you can stay focused on the good. emoticon
    Debbie V.
    1553 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.