Thursday, June 20, 2013
Okay, so it FEELS like I fell off the face of the earth, but I promise I didn't. Almost maybe, but I'm still here.
Still dealing with computer issues, but hopefully in a few months I will be able to get a new one and put the glitches behind me.
I have missed everyone around here so much!! Being here on Spark and feeling connected to others with similar goals is motivating and inspirational and I need that. I miss it!!
So -- My experiment to live with greater joy and take care of me is still going. I have 31 days left until we leave for vacation. I'm ready to go. NOW. The last few weeks have been difficult at best. I'm really struggling. No, I haven't fallen into a pit of despair, and no, I haven't stopped looking for the joy that surrounds me, but my eating has been iffy -- I'd say making poor choices over good ones half the time. Slid back into old habits such as skipping breakfast and not getting enough sleep. The last couple weeks have been a haze of doctor's and counseling appointments for my daughter and while I have not given in to the stress and worry that could easily creep back in, I do what I always do -- stop taking care of myself. I'm exhausted.
So, this is where I am right now. My weight is still the same, haven't gained, which I'm rather proud of. Exercise was going GREAT now it's nonexistent. Water was going GREAT now it's almost nonexistent. Headaches have once again become part of my daily life. I've pondered the greater question of why I let this happen more than I'd care to admit. Still, I have yet to find my way around the wall I put around myself that prevents me from moving forward with my health. I will get there. I am not taking no for an answer.
Alright, now I've come clean with where I am and I know I have a lot of work to do. I'm willing to do that work. I've given a lot of consideration to the word "deserve" as it relates to my health. No, I don't like when people have an attitude of "deserving" things that they have not worked for, but in life, we all "deserve" to be the best we can be. We deserve health. We deserve to give ourselves that gift. I'd set some rewards a while back and one was that I was going to get a hew hairstyle when I'd lost ten pounds and so on. I asked myself why I didn't "deserve" that new hairstyle now. I've been growing out my hair for over a year and hadn't had anything done with it. I was wearing it up most of the time because it lacked any shape at all and was soooo heavy. I wondered why I needed to lose weight before I could have any style or feel feminine. So, yesterday I went and got that haircut. It feels so much better! I will have to come up with some new rewards! Rewards that don't reinforce the idea that I do not "deserve" to take care of myself or feel good about myself until I lose a certain number of pounds.
I'm still here, still trudging along and I will try to check in more often as the computer allows -- I need to catch up on what all my Sparkfriends have been up to while I was gone!!
Hope you all have a great day, I'd better run or I'll be late for work!!