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    BBERG0521   24,048
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Life help needed...

Thursday, June 20, 2013

So the last 2 weeks or so I have been L.A.Z.Y.!!!! I wish I could just over come this. Im sure its exhaustion of a clingy baby and the lack of sleep I get. I used to work out 2x a week. Now working out I mean strength train or use my treadmill. I have gotten some form of walking in most days but to me that is not enough. I don’t see walking really as working out but more me time since I don’t get any me time.

I told my trainer that I would have to stop her program since we are moving and the cost is more per month. But she will still motivate me. I have absolutely no motivation. My eating is getting better but my work outs are another thing.

How do I over come this? My poor treadmill that I just had to have has just sat there for a few weeks. I enjoy using it but I never have time. Tyler has baseball 2x a week and practice once a week. The house is not being cleaned because we are never around or Jordan wont let me put him down to do it. Its so hard to be consistant with anything at my house with a hectic schedule.

Hopefully things calm down after the move. I really need to get on a schedule and stick to it – which brings me to another issue…..

I cannot get Jordan to sleep through the night in his own bed for the life of me. Id try the cry it out method but we are in an apartment and the guy upstairs can hear. Now he says its not that bad and he has gotten used to Jordan’s screaming but still. Do I just need to get strict on myself and let him cry it out in his own bed when he wakes in the middle of the night?

I know why he does it too. Its because he has separation anxiety from me and its pretty bad. The only time he does good is if I drop him off and leave. But if he sees me and knows I am there and no going any where he will scream for me and need me to hold him.

I just wonder if I need to wait until we move to do the whole cry it out thing? Only because wont moving screw him up and make him not sleep through the night again in a new place? I don’t know. I just hope he starts sleeping soon and not in my bed but his own. I also hope that he starts having some independence ( but not too much ) to where he can play when we get home and be ok if I am not right next to him – watch this happens and I eat my own words because Ill miss him clinging to me! You can never win as a parent! LOL
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AMANDANCES 6/21/2013 8:19AM

    Yeah, at 17 months, hes old enough to realize that it's sleepy time and you AREN'T going to disappear forever when you leave the room, so I think the crying it out will work. What I did was this: we had a reading ritual, where we read for about a half hour, and then I put my guy down in the bed, sometimes with a water bottle, but usually just with a paci. Then I would sit on the floor for a few minutes. Then I would move to the door, and sit on the floor for a couple of minutes. Then I would sit in the hall outside, but with the door open. This whole time he'd be awake and looking at me suspiciously. Then I would shut the door and sit there, and he'd cry and fuss. I gave it 5 minutes before I would open the door and making shushing sounds. But I wouldn't pick him up or talk to him. Then I'd shut the door again, and he'd freak and this time I'd wait 5 minutes plus one or two more minutes before opening the door. This took about a week, literally, but now when I leave he maybe cries for a couple of minutes (half-heartedly) but he knows I'll come back in the morning. :)

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PRIZM96 6/20/2013 12:45PM

    Brenda~ Just wanted to share my "own" story. No, I do not believe in letting INFANTS "cry it out", but I know that Jordan is now 17 months old, so I do believe that is a different story. I am a Momma who let my kids each "cry it out" when they got a little bigger (before they were a year). It took all of about 2 or 3 nights each. Each time, the crying would get less & less. We had absolutely no issues afterward. When my sister had her first baby, she asked me how I got my kids to go to bed so easily. She ended up doing the same thing with her 2 children and has never looked back.

I understand people's opposition to the "cry it out" method, but I also believe that when you find something that works..... you run with it! :-) And it worked for me.

I also have a friend that let her children sleep with them..... still has problems and they are pre-teen! I have a cousin who has always let her children sleep with them..... they still do & they are 6 & 8. I just couldn't imagine doing that. BUT, that's me. YOU have to do what is right for you & your family.

I KNOW how exhausted you are, so I do think you do have to try some new things with Jordan.

HUGS to you, Brenda!!

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GODZDESIGN95 6/20/2013 12:11PM

    Wow I remember those days. I am speaking of me personally I did not let my babies cry it out. I also know how some feel about letting babies sleep in the bed with you. Crazy experts say let them cry it out. We had two of our kids and tehre was no letting them cry it out. Neighbors would have a fit. I placed there beds in our bed room that way getting up was not so bad. Some times the baby just want to know you are still there, need some touch, I think they have growing pains.(JMV) this state of life will pass. Kids need love these days. One day they will be grown and you wil wish you could see them. My mom advised me to nap when the baby naps and in between the rest will fall into place. Mr first baby did not want me out of his sight. My mother got me a baby pouch and that thing saved both of our lives. Sure some folk thought I was pregnant but when I opened my pouch they saw I was not. Do what you can in the exercise department. Course I am a SAHM.

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TREE57 6/20/2013 11:52AM

    I just read your blog and have to tell you my experience. When our son (now 13) was very little, he had similar anxiety. My sister (who had a colicky baby) gave me a backpack with a child carrier. I never wanted to carry him in the front because I was always afraid of him reaching out while I was cooking. I carried him around in this backpack and did all my household chores and to the grocery store like this. He loved it. He could see what was going on around him and he was close to me. The grocery store was really great because I never liked putting him in carrier in the carts. YUCK! He would jabber to people, fall asleep resting his little head on my neck. At home, when he wasn't in the backpack carrier, I had a baby seat that vibrated. I would sit it where he could see me and turn it on. He cried at first because he wanted me to hold him, but after a while he just watched me from his chair.

I don't know how old your baby is, but I do know that the screaming to be held will continue until you can find something else. The backpack carrier was my answer. He got used to being "more independent" of me (even though he was on my back) and it helped the anxiety of being separated especially at nighttime.

My best friend let her children sleep with her and they never outgrew it...still to this day they are battling with the kids staying in their beds. I think you just have to have some trial and error, but stick with what works and you'll be able to get some rest.

I wish you luck with this. I've been there. emoticon

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SARIANEC 6/20/2013 11:50AM

    My youngest is 14 now and sleeps in his own room so there is hope emoticon

We had problems when he was young. I don't really get the whole crying out thing. But that's for another day.

We made him 'bed' on the floor of our room. He should still see me, but wasn't next to me. Later moved it in the room. Still in the same bed room, but out of eye site.
Eventually we got back to his room. We did have to have a specific routine and i read to him ever night.

When he was 7 my FIL passed away and he began to have night mares (he said, but he'd be in his room all of ten minutes). We let him put a sleeping bag on the floor of the bed room whenever he had problems. I think just knowing it was an option gave him enough comfort that he stayed in his own room in no time.

Best of Luck to you. I know the lack of sleep can be mentally and physically draining.

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CHANGINGSEASONS 6/20/2013 10:51AM

    I honestly think that if you need the sleep you could let the baby sleep in the bed with you. Your husband is on an off shift and isn't in bed with you..so why not? Mine slept with me for a bit, until they were sleeping through the night. I'd just wait till they were sleeping soundly then move them to their own bed. If they woke up and were upset I would let them come back to my bed. But eventually they would be comfortable in their bed and that was that. I would be frustrated if one of mine wanted me to hold them all the time though. You prob. want to try and break that habit ASAP...during the day. Just my opinion. If they know they will get picked up and held each time they demand it then that's what they'll do. Some babies. Mine liked to play independently somewhat and that gave me a break to get some things done around the house. Maybe if you could set him up with some toys or have a sibling play with him..without holding him.. and you were doing some house cleaning in the same area...once he saw you weren't going to rush over and pick him up he would play with the toys and sibling.?? You're in the tough period right now, especially with the lack of sleep. I thought I was going to go crazy sometimes. Both of mine took forever to sleep through the night totally. But, it gets better. Hugs

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KNYAGENYA 6/20/2013 10:33AM

    You have a lot of stress going on right now. I wish I knew something to tell you that could help. I hope it gets better soon.

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PARASELENIC 6/20/2013 9:30AM

    You are dealing with a lot of different stressors right now-- it makes sense that you are exhausted!!!

I don't have any advice to offer on your baby, but I am sure that you are doing all of the right things for your child-- a mother knows best, especially when they are too little to verbalize what they need on their own.

I think letting go of some things: worry about the house being clean, worry about exercise, etc. are a good idea for you right now-- handling a move, a young child (Tyler), AND a clingy infant is ENOUGH.

If anything, I would wish for you 30 minutes, heck, even just 10 minutes, EVERY SINGLE DAY that are JUST FOR YOU. No kids, no house, no nothing. Just 1/2 hour to yourself, to do something that makes you feel good-- be it a nap, a jog, reading a book, having a glass of wine, getting a pedicure-- whatever makes YOU feel GOOD.

I don't know what your options are, but handling everything you are is an easy way to stretch yourself so thin as to make yourself invisible. The best thing you can do for your family is to give yourself some time so that you can be centered, grounded, relaxed, and ready to be YOU with your family.

You are doing great.

Be well.

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AMANDANCES 6/20/2013 9:15AM

    I'm going to share my baby experience with you, in the hopes that it might help. My son was (heck, he's 19 months and he STILL is) very clingy. But when he was an infant, he was exceptionally so. I wore him -- in one of those Moby wrap things, and that was the only way I could get ANYTHING done, because he couldn't stand for me to put him down. I learned to walk with him in my Moby, and that was my exercise. I could dance a little with him, but I was afraid to bounce him too much. That was how I managed to do stuff around the house and still exercise. My son slept through the walks. I was not a big fan of the crying it out method, especially for infants. I don't know how old your baby is, but under a certain age, "crying it out" doesn't have the effect you want. But my best advice is, yeah -- enjoy the clinging. Because one day they wake up and think they can live without you, and then you only get hugs and cuddles when they hurt themselves. LOL.

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