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Remembering why we are here. Life.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Sometimes we get so obsessed with weighing, measuring, running/waddling, fitting into smaller clothes...that other parts of our lives lose their glow. Sometimes, that glow distracts us from our goals also. How do we find a balance? I don't know the answer to that, except to say that staying present in whatever moment we find ourselves in will keep our goals with us without the obsessive thinking.

This evening my son's school had it's midwinter festival. The children had worked on their lanterns for weeks, while the older year 6 group readied themselves for their fire ritual where the school honours their moving on to a new stage in their lives.

The bonfire and lanterns were lit, and the soccer oval looked like a hundred fireflies were slowly dancing around in a spiral while children's voices rose and fell in hushed winter songs and chants, as they called in the light.

Us parents surrounded them and 'held them' in this magical space. I cried in feeling such a beautiful sense of belonging in this great community we have here.

This is life, and this is why I am here on spark, with goals of greater health. To live it more fully. To feel the ebb and flow of wonder. To live in the now, both easy and hard.

When I was deeply numbed out through binges I felt no connection to these things, to life itself. I had no sense of belonging to anyone except my own sense of pain and failure.

While I walked home in the dark, holding my son's hand, while telling him a story of a brave dragon, I realised I felt no distraction of physical unwellness/discomfort while walking up and down hills. I silently acknowledged my gratitude and nodded to my progress with satisfaction.

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