Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Well, I'm giving this another go. I seem to keep failing and it's frustrating. Sometimes it's easier for me to just say "meh" and be who I am. I know that I'm not supposed to be in the 230s. The only other time I've been this heavy, was the week I gave birth. I'm with a really great guy that I know I'm going to marry. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, aside from my son, obviously. We're going to be moving in with each other in the next few weeks.
It seems absolutely ridiculous, but I feel like I had more motivation to lose the weight when I was fighting for my relationship with my son's father. He told me he wasn't attracted to me and made me feel like dirt. But I tried my hardest because I wanted him to see what I could become. With Jason, I don't need to prove that. He tells me every day how beautiful and perfect I am. While i really love how much he loves me as I am, I know that it's just fueling me to stay the same. Stuck in this rut in which I can't manage to find my way out of. Hmmmmm I'm just totally lost.