My therapist said this to me at least 6 times today.
I told her I was feeling really stressed out. I also told her that I was losing my temper all the time and feeling angry all the time. I told her about all my explosive episodes.
Then I confessed that I was thinking of gaining all the weight back so I wouldn't have to feel anymore.
She said, 'Why?'
....and I told her my little theory about how losing all this weight has put me in a position where I don't know what to do with my feelings .....
Good theory right?
ANYWAY .... She didn't exactly shoot down that theory. Perhaps she sensed how fond of it I am.
She did point out that I have had angry incidents BEFORE. Specifically, 2 notable incidents with online instructors. One of them dropped me from her class. The other one I tortured while she responded to me with snide comments.
So, it is TRUE that while I was spending all of my time sleeping, eating, and acting like a hermit that I didn't have as many incidents. Still, me losing my temper and acting out is not a new thing.
My therapist said that I am expecting other people to act as I think they SHOULD. I said, 'Yeah but I'm right.'
This comment elicited the first of many 'No BUTS.'
She said I should write about my anger and not act on it. I told her I DO write.
She said not online.
Evidently ...... something about the actual act of writing something down is better than typing it into a computer. I don't know. It's possible. I type about 100 wpm. I write significantly slower. I guess it probably uses a different part of the brain.
Also, even though I will pretty much post anything online - I do know that whether people read or not - that they CAN read - which just changes the whole thing altogether.
Isn't that the Schrodingers cat paradox ..... one moment while I look this up .....
Okay .... so it's not Schrodingers cat .... but Heisenbergs Uncertainty Principle that I was thinking of:
"Historically, the uncertainty principle has been confused with a somewhat similar effect in physics, called the observer effect, which notes that measurements of certain systems cannot be made without affecting the systems. Heisenberg offered such an observer effect at the quantum level..."
So ... I suppose observer effect would be more accurate.
Schrodinger's Cat for anyone so inclined:
Now where was I? Oh yeah ... I was talking about MYSELF .....
I am to write down the angry incidents in my journal ... longhand ......
So that's what I will do. I have tons of journals anyway. I've chosen as my anger journal a pretty little book with butterflies ... .wildflowers .... going up and down it's pages. It's just as perky as it could be.