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    -GETNFIT4ME-   639
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Winning the WAR on food one Battle at a time...


Wednesday, June 19, 2013

I am back on Spark People after a long absence. I could go into the woes, ups and downs and blah blah blah's of the last however many years but I am not going to. Looking to the past has only ever created scape goats and excuses for me. The fact of the matter is that I am living life here and now and its the choices I make TODAY that are going to make a difference in winning my war on food.

I started out the year at 310 lbs and my last official weigh in was 295 so I am down 15 lbs from my highest weight and regardless of where I had hoped to be by now THIS is where I am and THIS is where I am moving forward from.

I eat my emotions like a regular old cookie monster this is my BIGGEST battle with food. I associate eating with every emotion under the sun including being happy! I am really trying to re-wire my thought process when it comes to food in order to control this issue. A lot of people look at food as fuel and some days I most certainly wish I could too. But I just can't seem to think of food that way because while I hate food...I LOVE FOOD!! So rather than deprive myself of every item known to mankind that just isn't good for me I have committed to staying in my spark ranges and trusting in the process.

This brings me to my 1st VICTORY in battle...yesterday around 4:30 pm I was extremely stressed out almost angry in fact to be honest now I couldn't even tell you what had happened at the time but those thoughts just began flooding my head. I was taking inventory of my pantry in my head and every possible bad for me concoction I could possibly think of to make, thinking of the left over pasta in the fridge, the Oreos sitting in the pantry all alone... I still don't know why I even put them in the shopping cart, heck even just the thought of cutting into the brand new loaf of Tillamook Cheddar in the fridge....this quickly changed to thoughts of... I did so well yesterday I can have something right? I ate good the rest of the day that makes it ok? Why me? Why do I have these issues? I am 27 years old I can eat what I want when I want! (Sounds more like a 3 year old to me) Who really is going to even know?? (ME...thats who is going to know and who matters)

Well there you have it folks a front row seat to the battle I deal with on a daily basis in my own head. Now I know this may seem silly to a few but the reality is I constantly deal with these exact emotions and while the battle got a little messy yesterday afternoon becuase I did in fact chow down on left over pasta, a half of slice of bread with butter and dove head first into the Oreos.

Why is this a victory even though I caved to my emotional eating? because afterwards once the sauce had settled I came straight to my computer logged in the calories under dinner squeaked in just under my calorie goal and I did not eat another thing for the rest of the night and because I did not allow it to turn into a full on binge like I would have in the past, because I made myself accountable and tracked the calories instead giving in and chalking it up to a horrible night.

PLUS I learned a pretty valuable lesson about how important NOT eating a bunch of crap in a hard moment is when it comes to sticking to a calorie range. I am a huge night snacker and to not eat anything past 5pm last night was pretty darn challenging but I sure do feel good about myself today and I am not beating myself up for faltering last night I am simply proud of myself for being so strong for the remainder of the night.

I am happy to be back on Spark and I am looking forward to winning more battles along the way! I have a long ways to go and I honestly feel ready to succeed and focus on the things that really matter.

Happy HUMP Day Sparkers!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
LEXYLUTHERR 6/20/2013 3:47AM

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you are a fighter! thanks for this awesome blog!

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JOHGLO2011 6/19/2013 6:41PM

    Thank you for your blog! Sounds like you are really learning some good lessons and are on your way to success on this journey! Best wishes to you!

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THESB25 6/19/2013 5:02PM

    Thanks for sharing your experiences on here. I can say I've definitely been guilty of binge eating and emotional eating. It's a tough thing. Someone once told me what's hard about food is you can't go without it. A person who is addicted to alcohol or drugs can go without them whereas we who are addicted to food has to learn true moderation. What's helped me along the way is to realize that I can only see chances for change instead of dwelling on defeats. Seeing things as opportunities instead of failures. You can do it girl! Thanks for blogging!

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