Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Well today I went to group and i opened up abit during the exercising and really let myself out and if i want change i must be will to change the things that have not worked in the past. Punishing myself because I think I'm not good enough or didn't do enough is a waste of time. It won't happen overnight but slowly I will let go. Two things that help me are writing and soulful movement!!
Today at group we talked about body image!! I remember when the pictures for the biggest loser game out... I had a friend who only saw their flaws on that picture when i look at the following pictures i see my pride, my accomplishments the feeling is so awesome... it can over-ride so much of the negative!! I have come such along way as to how i feel about my body... i can see alot more beauty in me just in what i am doing for my body if i make sense. my feelings of self worth are not so much about image but about shame or guilt which is something i am slowly teaching the young me to let go of it as it is too toxic and happiness overides the feeling of i deserve unhappiness!
I finished under an hour which was my goal i actually surprised at the actual time of 54:33
walking even with a groin injury and finished it.
13.1 pushed my body to the limit but felt great to finish..
i look at myself and saw my strength.
I figured it out soulful movement moves my heart into a better place for me why fight what is good for me...... just have to keep convincing little me to continue to allow the change to happen because feeling bad all the time sucks this is much more fun!! Vulnarbility is putting your self out there doing something radical vs. doing the same thing that has kept you under and sad... time for change as slow as it maybe it is better then none at all!!!