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i've been doing it all wrong!

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

i've always known i have a fear of success. i am constantly sabotaging my efforts. whether it's with booze, bad food, skipped workouts, etc. i've never known what to do about it. one day i was walking at lunch (i love my lunchtime walks! aside from weather i have no excuse to not do them) and realized i'm a self-saboteur. when i got back to my office i quickly googled this concept and learned that it is real, it's very common, it happens with weight loss all the time and there are ways to fix it! woo hoo! so i wasted a lot of work time reading up on it. oops.

here are some things i've learned:

i'm my own worst enemy. ok, this is nothing new. i basically hate myself and tell myself what an awful person i am all the time. what i learned is that this is a major self-sabotaging method. i do it for everything though, not just physical aspects of myself, but it all adds up.

self-saboteur's generally have a lot of frustration with themselves for not following through with their weight loss plan & often feel hopeless that the situation will never change.

there are four major patterns for self-sabotaging:
1. you focus on the wrong things. for instance, you focus on the negative rather than the positive. (yes, yes)
2. you're not disciplined enough (yes, i give in to temptation more than i should and i'm bad about staying on track after i slip up)
3. you don't believe you deserve it. "it's also possible that you continue to sabotage your own success, because at some deeper level you still don't believe that you really deserve the body and happiness you desire." shut the front door! this is soooo me! i was seriously blown away as i read this pattern. (more on this below)
4. you may be scared to be thin. yes, but nothing in the article related to me. i'll keep researching this topic.

i also learned that doing things like denying yourself things like chocolate or giving yourself a time frame to accomplish something (like lose 10 lbs in 30 days, or don't eat carbs for a month) is setting yourself up for failure. you have to have more of a 'one day at a time' thought process. that is the complete opposite of what i do. i'm always 'no soda for a month' and very rarely do i succeed. interesting.

so i've been thinking this over for the past week and have been coming up with a new game plan. thank you, spark people for spark streaks! i will be using those quite often. i'm also trying to decide what to do about weigh-ins. i usually do them weekly, every monday. but i'm wondering if the fear of the scale is causing me to mess up all the good work i do all week over the weekend? so should i weigh myself less often, on a different day or daily? i have a love/hate relationship with the scale, so i don't want to give it up.

it's a whole new concept for me. i have to learn to be nice to myself, i have to be more positive and i have to think of weight loss as something entirely different than i've spent the last 8 or so years. plus i have to figure out what triggered pattern #3. i strongly believe i don't deserve the body and happiness i desire. why? the article says carrying the extra weight may be more inside your comfort zone than being thin. as unhappy as you may be, you know what to expect, things are familiar and predictable. ugh, yes. these beliefs are either learned from others(no) or created by you (yes!). there is a solution: as you bump into these beliefs start reflecting on where they came from. who encouraged you to think and feel this way about yourself? family, friends, and old boyfriend? or you just created it yourself. realize these beliefs and exchange them for new beliefs that help you get where you want to be rather than blocking the way.

i have a lot of work to do! some serious soul-searching and digging to do to find the root of my issue.

here's a link to the article that was most eye-opening for me. there's more info and the 4 patterns are explained.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon speaking negatives over yourself! You are in a emoticon zone when you do this! Speak it, believe it, live it!
    Start speaking out positives out over yourself! You deserve it! emoticon
    1736 days ago
    I had the exact same problem! Hang in there! It gets easier!
    1738 days ago
    Great Blog!! Don't you just love "ah ha" moments!!
    You should check out CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) for other tips to redirect your thinking (this is the framework that the article was written from).
    I've posted a picture of myself at my heaviest weight in a highly visible location where I see it everyday. It's a visual reminder to keep on track! I also have gotten into the habit of telling others my mini goals (seems if I say them out loud to others I'm more likely to follow through!!) All the best! emoticon
    1738 days ago
    Fantastic blog! This is exactly what I do. I think it's very common. Hope you (and I) can find some solutions!
    1738 days ago
    Very interesting! Thanks for the post emoticon
    1738 days ago
    Great blog! This is also me. This is my second time on spark and I'm hoping to be successful this time. I still do not do what I plan to do but hope that by reading blogs such as yours it will motivate me.

    1738 days ago
    Interesting article. So, I wonder, what will you say to yourself to be nice to yourself? How about:

    1738 days ago
    Great article! Thanks for sharing!
    1738 days ago
    Thanks for sharing the article.
    (I saved it cause I don't have time right now)

    I always think understanding is half the battle.
    1738 days ago
    Just read your post and the link you attached. This is so me! I'm definitely a self-saboteur. I think I'm one of those people who doesn't think she deserves success, no matter what it is. Definitely some excellent food for thought.
    Thanks for much for sharing!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1738 days ago
    Wow. This is so interesting. I usually do this to myself too. Thanks for sharing the article. I'm going to read it right now.
    1738 days ago
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