I am a people pleaser (to the extreme). I am sure many of you guys identify with that.
I have recently been working very hard and stopping the people pleasing (including my husband, friends, family, etc) and I find it really hard.
Here were my assignments (which should be easy but weren't!)
1. Say no anytime someone asks you to do something (think about it and get back to them)
In the past, every time someone has asked me to do something, I always say "yes" right away without even thinking about whether I have time, etc. This was a hard one for me because I just hate conflict.
2. Do one very selfish thing a day
This one was also oddly difficult. I think that when you put yourself first, you will get questioned, and it can be hard to defend yourself if you don't think you should be doing something for yourself in the first place. This has been a good thing because I have been learning to let go of what other people think, and to do the things that I want to do.
Also as a mom, this one is tough. I find that most of the guilt doesn't come from someone else, it comes from yourself, and others' comments just set it off. It's ok to take an hour a day to yourself, there are decades of this ahead!
3. Let people be mad at you
As with the above, if someone is going to be mad or annoyed with you for something unreasonable, who cares?? I know I did before. I had a co-worker who constantly took advantage of me and acted nice and when she would throw little fits, I would constantly try to fix it. Seriously though, who cares. Obviously she has some major issues that have nothing to do with me!
4. Don't let others hold your emotions
So when you let people be mad at you, it doesn't count if you go off and continue worrying about it!! Letting them be mad means acknowledging that they are being unreasonable and letting it go. Get on with your day!
The major thing that has come to me in this time is that sometimes
SELFISHNESS IS SELFLESSNESS.
Because if I don't consciously make "selfish" decisions like to go to a group exercise class, or hang out with a friend, I won't ever do it. And that is not being very nice to myself.
You've heard it time and again but taking care of yourself first really does work wonders on all of your relationships.
And when I think of all the lengths I would go to to help random co-workers, friends, etc, why wouldn't I do it for myself?
So next time you feel guilty about taking 20 minutes to read a book or go to the gym, don't!
You deserve it!