Tuesday, June 18, 2013
It's been a good couple of weeks. I made hubby eat a salad TWICE last week, and had several myself. It's no secret, I love salads. I just want the world of SparkPeople to know that just because I don't track my food doesn't mean I'm eating like a crazy, starved person. I'm still pretty good.
I've been on many long walks as well, even without realizing it. It's funny how fast you walk while you're shopping for a vegetable that can't be found. It's also funny how fast you walk when you're shopping and you need a bathroom! Hahaha...
But, there's another issue at hand, and this blog is probably the only safe place to mention it without my family finding out prematurely. For some reason it's easier to talk about with strangers?
I think I might be pregnant.
I don't think it's wise or appropriate to give you my entire health story here on the Internet, but the gist of it is that I ruled out the possibility of being pregnant a long time ago. I was told I probably would have trouble with infertility at the age of 17. I hadn't even kissed a boy yet. I gave up hope as a teenager, but, of course, my husband convinced me (slowly) over the period of our dating and engagement years that I should be a little more hopeful.
I've always known it would be difficult to have kids. They say that most couples only have about a 50% chance of conception each time they do the deed, so the odds are against me no matter what I do. With that in mind, we decided it would be best to start "trying" early. Before we were ready. Before it was wise. It's just now it had to be.
So here I am at almost a quarter of a century and I'm 2000 miles away from my family and I have this feeling. And I have this weight sitting on me, the weight of responsibility and fear and the possibilities. Oh, the possibilities.
I don't really know why I'm saying this here. I just have to get it out there. I'm sure someone else understands how I'm feeling--the feeling of wanting to hope for something so badly, but not knowing if I should. But for the past few weeks the symptoms have been increasing and every time I back down and tell myself it's nothing, another reason shows up to tell me differently.
Just... please don't give me advice. Encouragement, yes. Comfort, yes. Sympathy, sure. But not advice. You'll know when I want advice, I'm very good at asking for it when I'm ready. :)