Tuesday, June 18, 2013
As noted in my previous post, my day was going rather well this morning. I wasn't pissed off. I didn't have that sickening seething out of control feeling that I have had lately.
Then it looked like I might need my car to drive in to the car center and I could not get a hold of my son. The rule, when he takes the car, is that he has to be reachable by phone. I also had a prescription that needed to be refilled and I needed to see if he could do that on his way home. I also needed to know his schedule so I could plan my week.
I called. I texted. No answer. By my lunch break at 2pm I was frustrated, anxious, and feeling a little helpless.
I had chocolate cake, sausage, a hot dog, and a hamburger. I finished that off with a dip.
Then I took a nap and I did something that has only happened to me once before when I was working an overnight shift. I fell asleep and logged in late.
So, bad me. I'll have to suck up the consequences of that little incident.
I finished off my work day at around 9pm. AJ finally called me from the fax machine at his work and said that his phone was broken.
Okay, I already knew that to tell you the truth. He told me the glass was cracked but said that it still worked. But this is AJ we are dealing with. His magical thinking enables him to believe that despite all signs to the contrary, that phone will still work.
I didn't know exactly what was wsrong with the phone but I had a feeling that was what it was. So I had already sort of done a price check on iphones.
Since I didn't get my prescription and still didn't know what the plans were for the rest of the week, I was still pissed.
I had a huge glass of wine when I get off and didn't know if I should wait or go to sleep or what.
He showed up shortly after 10pm, right in the middle of the Daily Show. I made him stand in my bedroom while I talked to him. That was after I took away the car key.
I explained to him, by using several recent examples, how his inability to assert himself inconveniences and in essence takes advantage of other people. I explained that we are sharing resources, sharing a household, and that requires communication, an ability to compromise, and collaboration.
Basically he knew in the morning his phone didn't work. Let me correct that. He knew last night that it wasn't holding a charge. He told me the screen was charged but acted as though nothing else was wrong. So he went to work with his phone maybe working.
Not his fault right? I mean everyone makes mistakes. It was an accident.
1 - Whose fault it is, is never the issue to me.
2 - There is a systemic issue that needs to be corrected because again, it's not the first time my son has done this and not the last.
Question - when he found his phone wasn't working in the morning - why didn't he ask to borrow someone's phone to call me real quick?
See? No point in acting helpless.
But back to the point, the point is never whose fault it is. I don't care. I don't care when customers go on about how it's not their fault. I don't care when they go on about how it's OUR fault. I simply don't care. Tel me what the problem is. Let's move forward. Let's get it fixed.
Yes, I care about your feelings. Look at them, experience them fully, affirm them, and move along.
ANY WAY - After making him take the car key and holding it hostage I told him how things are going to be.
I made him get one o the notebooks I gave him. I gave him a To Do List. I gave him a list of things to do in the morning. I gave him a list of things to do every night. I gave him a weekly list. I told him he will do those things or else. I told him I don't care if he thinks it's childish.
Even at my most depressed, I was VERY ORGANIZED. This is just part of my personality. In fact, if something isn't organized, I won't deal with it.
I told him he doens't need to be like me but that he does have to follow the list and make a new tTo Do list every night.
I also told him that he doesn't have to do everything on the list everyday. I explained that part of making a list is placing certain things in the forefornt of his mind.
I gave him the entire task of negotiating with AT&T for a new phone. Leg work, leg work, leg work!
Although I had potato chip and cheese and chips to finish off my day or poison, and even though it seems I can't sleep, I am satisfied with this plan of mine.
Also .... I have every intention of bringing clenaing stuff up to his dorm and making him clean it before moving in.
Also .... I have every intention of visiting him even though he doesn't want me visiting him there.
Why am I being such a control freak with a grown man. Well, it's for his own good. I don't care if he's 20. I am not done with him yet. He's also not a very worldly 20 year old.
Now, maybe I can go to sleep, tomorrow is a new eating and exercising day. This list thing works for me.
It should help.