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    KONOHA-NIN   4,950
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Whew

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Good news and bad news.

Good news is that I basically made it through the trip with the family to my sister's graduation. She is now a doctor of veterinary medicine and I am proud of her! I really enjoyed spending time with the family despite it being pretty stressful; we haven't all gotten together in quite a long time since my sister and I are both away at school (sister is staying on one more year to get a masters in preventative medicine or something).

Bad news is that late Sunday night when I returned home, and then again today, I binged big time, as if I was making up for when I didn't binge even though I really, really wanted to. Like the full-out "I just give up", shut-down, completely mindless autopilot eating until pain kind of bingeing. Sigh. The stress of travelling with family was already kind of tough, but when I sat through a graduation, I think it freaked me out a bit more (this was unexpected, I just felt it when I was sitting through the ceremony and it stayed with me the rest of the day) because I am still very unsure about whether I'll ever graduate or not.

Anyway I am exhausted today and just wanted to check in. Hopefully a good report will come tomorrow about me getting back on track...

Staying Positive

+ I made it Monday-Saturday (and mostly Sunday) without bingeing. That's a pretty good streak, and my calendar for June looks pretty good with all the stickers on it from when I don't use behaviors!

+ I'm back now and hopefully can rest up and settle in and get back on track in a less stressful environment.

+ Despite all the stress and unusual amount of social interaction (the extended family also went to the graduation, and stayed in the same hotel, so I was "on" almost the whole time we were there with no downtime/alone time, which is hard for me even if I like everyone there, which I do), I felt like I did fairly well. There was a lot of overeating because we went to some really awesome restaurants and the whole family loves food, but I managed not to binge. I mean this trip was basically one of my hardest challenges - family, food, and a family that loves food but also loves to be really unpredictable and indecisive which is an additional difficulty for me. But I made it without using behaviors.

+ Our first night there at dinner my mom immediately sees my sister, who met us at the restaurant, and says "You look like you've lost weight! Have you lost weight??" I think my sister realized how uncomfortable that made me feel to have an issue of weight mentioned *right before dinner* (we were ordering), but my mom is generally totally oblivious. I mean, eventually I want to be well enough to not have such things affect me, but I'm not consistently there yet... I was definitely triggered this time but I just took deep breaths and texted a recovery friend about my frustrations/feelings. I kind of wish I had a smart phone with a data plan so I could have posted here as well just to vent, but I don't, so I did the best I could. I was able to let it go and enjoyed my dinner.

+ Exercise was hard to get in when I was there since we were so busy, but on Friday morning I at least was able to get in a short run with my dad.

+ I didn't fit back into my dress well enough by this graduation time, but I will keep it in mind as a goal and as motivation for the future!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNNYRUTH 6/18/2013 12:59PM

    Pat yourself on the back. Progress not perfection. And I know exactly how stressful being around family can be, LOL!

You're thinking it through and here for support, so good for you!

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CODEMAULER 6/18/2013 12:18PM

    Welcome home!

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It's no secret that my family can bring out the stress triggers in me. You managed to have some fun and get through the weekend just fine.

Put yourself first and get back to the business of being good to yourself!

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PATTYKLAVER 6/18/2013 7:31AM

    I think you did very well despite everything. emoticon

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KACEYSW 6/18/2013 1:34AM

    emoticon

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STEVEN2GO2 6/18/2013 1:31AM

    Yes family get togethers can be rough, but overall I think you did a great job. I must of felt good spending time running with just your Dad! Sorry you felt the need to binge on the return. BUT, that is over and tomorrow you will do better!

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PS I am the only one on my Mom's side of the family that does not have at least one college degree. But, I have learned that I am one of the smartest of the grandchildren. Just because you do not have that diploma does not determine who you are. But I have a feeling you will preserve in your goal, just take it one day at a time. I am waiting till I am ready to finish my goal for my education, when I can focus on that goal!

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ANDYGIRL1219 6/18/2013 1:22AM

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