Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.
40,000-49,999 SparkPoints 43,694

Serious case of the Blues

Monday, June 17, 2013

I know I've written this all over this web page, but this is my blog and I can be as redundant as I like. Less than 48 hours until my surgery, and my biggest fear is having to spend four to six weeks off the bike.

Every winter, I'm off the bike for about two months. But that's different: winter is a season of healing, of slumber, of catching one's breath. I'm going to be off the bike during the heat of the summer. Crazy as it sounds, I love riding in the heat (so long as I have enough water).

I suspect my outlook has more to do with the big picture than just my bike. My mom's condition was worse than she initially let on. She's doing much better now, but she's going to have to live with an ileostomy for six months while she has chemotherapy. (There was no mention of chemo previously - I suspect she was intentionally keeping me in the dark to keep me from worrying.) My parents travel a lot and they love it. This means a summer of no traveling. But I suppose as long as Mom can knit and read, she'll be fine.

I worried about the emotional roller coaster that follows surgical menopause. I'm worried about making too many bad nutrition choices and putting on ten pounds the first month. I'm worried about losing my sense of who I am. Mostly, I just worry.

I know this is pointless. A friend of mine once pointed out that we worry because it makes us feel like we're doing something. The majority of the things we worry about never happen. The stuff that really up-ends our lives blindsides us; it's almost never something we were worried about. So I guess I know that worrying is just my imagination writing its own scary movie.

Intellectually, I know that I will still be in control of my life; I just need to not make the excuses I usually make. A quick wallow in self-pity is fine, but then it's time to get back to counting my blessings and remembering the millions of women in this country who face far worse lots in life than mine. Time to remember that saying "I put my faith in God" is meaningless if I don't actually do it, and that whatever happens, it will not be more than I can handle.

So I whine all over the message boards, and whine in my blog. And I laugh while I'm writing this, because I'd really rather people think of me as the funny one, not the needy one.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm very late ready this. I am facing a hysterectomy this July. I really appreciate your thoughts & humor!! I look forward to reading all your surgery blogs!
    556 days ago
  • v CBLENS
    Even the funny ones need, get scared. Good luck on your surgery! Will be thinking of you!
    1166 days ago
  • v MISSG180
    Whine away. This is a scary time. We are here to help you get through it. It's going to be beastly, but it will pass.

    I always remember what my real estate agent said when our house closing was delayed: Just remember, by Christmas none of this will matter anymore.

    1168 days ago
    If you need to be needy, then you need to be needy. Use the time to take care of yourself and get in tune if you need to be. I know it may sound trite, but let go and Let God. Take Care.
    1168 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by HILLSLUG98239