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    JUNEAU2010   162,234
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The Box


Monday, June 17, 2013

I could not concentrate at work this afternoon. BF called to tell me a box had arrived. Puzzled. I have not ordered anything, did not expect anything. Then he read the name and return address.

My heart stopped and I almost reached for my nebulizer. My brain stopped thinking and it was as if all of my thoughts were in a mental windstorm, blown about and impossible to connect.

The box is from Mother. She sent me to live with my dad at the end of 7th grade and, other than a wonderful surprise of seeing her at my high school graduation, we've had no contact in about 40 years.

Despite the canyon she put between I us, I have always yearned for things to be different. The broken relationship, the cycle of abuse and neglect have never changed that.

Is there a note? What could it be?

I have not looked through all of the contents, so there could be a note, but it does not appear likely. The box is stuffed with hundreds of postcards. Last fall, my eldest younger sister contacted me through FB, said Mother asked if I still collected postcards and wanted my address. I answered affirmatively though I did not expect anything to come of it.

I am amazed that she remembered I collected postcards in grade school and am floored to receive this treasure. The postcards belonged to gramma (yes, that's how she wrote it). Some were her dad's. Now I know what my grandfather's handwriting looks like as well as my great grandfather's. The cards are from exciting familiar and unfamiliar places. Some have writing I can read, some are blank and some are faded beyond legibility. I've found two relatives I never knew existed!

I will send a card, but only after I compose, discard and recompose until I achieve just the right words and tone. Is this the last time I get to send her a card that she might actually read? Is it a door ajar for a bittersweet final attempt at healing our long-severed relationship? As near as I can guess, she is in her late 70s and, before my aunt died, she said Mother was in failing health. I have to assume it's the smoking because she smoked even before I was born and, to my knowledge, never quit.

Even if all I have is this tangible legacy handed down through generations, I am humbly grateful.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATLADY52 6/18/2013 4:36PM

    emoticon Hoping you can connect with your mom. emoticon

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BYEFATNANNY 6/18/2013 3:33PM

    This is thrilling news. It was a lovely thought no matter the outcome. Best wishes. emoticon

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CARRAND 6/18/2013 10:32AM

    What a wonderful thing for your mother to send you. I hope you can reach some healing with her.

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_RAMONA 6/17/2013 11:28PM

    emoticon

I can't imagine...

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DESERTDREAMERS 6/17/2013 10:09PM

    Wow, what a blast from your past!

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AMDODSON12 6/17/2013 9:55PM

    I am glad that you learned of "New" family members. It is great to be able to touch a piece of your history.

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