I just finished reading a really good book that deals with the causes of being overweight, and not necessarily food. It was called "You are WHY you eat." If you are struggling, I would highly recommend this book.
One thing I really picked up throughout the book is that often, those of us who are overweight (or obese like me), tend to distrust our intuition, or as the book calls it, our Spidey Senses.
When it comes to decisions about ourselves, not decision about caring for others, we tend to side with our rational mind more. We make decisions based on logic and discount our intuition, even if we feel the decisions we are making are not quite right. This could be related to the decisions we make about the people we date or marry, our jobs, or our self care....in particular what is contributing to our weight.
To me, this was a really interesting point. I have found that over the years, I have made decisions that please others, even though it had to do with MY life. For example, I took a position working with family because I thought it would please them. The night I accepted, I sat in a grocery story parking lot, crying (the ugly cries) to a friend, telling her I think I made a mistake. Did I go back and change my mind? Nope. I stayed there for 6 years and when it got to the point where I couldn't function from day to day because I was so unhappy, I finally listened to myself and found work elsewhere. So...why would I do this? Why would I accept a position I knew in my gut wasn't right for me? Was my need to please others so great that I overlooked the need to take care of myself? Do I think that I don't deserve to be happy? Or is it something else?
I think it comes down to this...I have always taken care of other people. My family is heavily a part of that. But, I have also taken care of friends, men I have dated and to some extent colleagues. I am that mother hen type, because I was raised that way. The problem I see is that being the mother hen, no one takes care of her. I knew this, but it didn't sink in until sometime last year. I have slowly changed a lot of my relationships over that time and have gotten to a point where I am (finally) not really taking care of anyone else. What ends up happening? I gain weight.
All I could think is what the heck?! The truth is that I never learned to take care of me. Everyone was always okay with me treating myself without much thought because THEY were getting what they needed from me. I think that's why it really bothers me (and has all my life) when people use others for things. I have allowed others to use me. And I get nothing out of it. Man, was that hard to admit!
So here I am, with this broken down, mistreated body that is desperately calling out for love, proper nutrition and exercise. No one can do that for me but me. I need to realize that I am worth that care. I need to be able to trust my intuition when it comes to my life. I need to start listening to my "Spidey Senses" and not discounting them with logic. Not to say that I shouldn't have common sense, but if something doesn't feel right, its okay to walk away. I need to give myself that permission.
This book had great advice..."Give yourself room to try new things and to walk away from things that no longer feel right. Who do you want to be? Become it."
I recently saw a tattoo on a well known personal trainer. Across his back is, "In Me I Trust." I think that speaks volumes...Are we trusting ourselves? Are we letting our rational mind get the best of us? Do we listen to our intuition? Our Spidey Senses? Are we caring for ourselves like we would care for others? Do we put logic over intuition? How is all of these affecting our weight loss?
All really great questions...My goal by the end of the year is to be able to say, Yes. Yes, I trust myself. Yes, I listen to my intuition. Yes, I am taking great care of myself. And Yes, I love my myself, I am worth all this effort and I am finally happy in my own skin.