Monday, June 17, 2013
I am disheartened by witnessing my last three out of four days and how out of control they have been.
After my binge a few days ago, I fully expected that I could easily get back into the grove of depending on God for strength. Something in me is just fighting the help I could easily receive if I really wanted it. I see myself rebelling.
First, I had said I wouldn't beat myself up over my binge. But I did.
Next, I said I wouldn't purge by exercising like a crazy woman...and that's exactly what I did. On two days.
I also did another thing which perpetuates the binge cycle...I restricted calories (extremely) for two days.
These things all backfired and I ended up binge eating for two days.
I have shed tears. I am now coming to you all who have binge problems, especially those of you who have had some or much success overcoming. Does it get easier to pick yourself up and return to normalcy?
I wish my tastebuds would suddenly have an aversion to the taste of sweets. I am even asking for this in my prayers. Or at least to be satisfied with just a few bites.