Monday, June 17, 2013
I have been married for about 5 weeks now, and Iím enjoying every minute. I had a lot of expectations of what being married would be like. Some of those expectations were accurate and some were not.
One thing that I find surprising is that since Iíve been married Iíve been hit with a barrage of insecurities. I need reassurance a couple times a week that my husband really loves me for me. I need him to tell me he thinks Iím beautiful, that Iím doing a good job taking care of our home, and that Iím making him happy.
I know all these things in my heart, but my head tries to convince me that Iím not beautiful, that Iím not doing a good enough job taking care of the apartment, and that my husband could be happier with someone else.
This barrage of insecurities really surprised me and was making me depressed. Then I realized that my insecurities are coming from Satan. He has been making me question my worth as a wife and trying to put a rift in my marriage. All the things Iíve been thinking about myself are untrue.
Hereís what is true: I am beautiful, my husband loves me more than I could ever know. He is very happy with how Iíve been taking care of our home and enjoys being with me.
Iíve been allowing Satan to deceive me. So I finally told him to knock it off.
I had a nice prayer time with God asking him to help me through all these issues and to protect my mind and my marriage from all the negativity that has been invading my thoughts.
I feel free now. Free to be happy and enjoy my new life with my amazing husband.
Iím free now to work on the things that need fixing (like my weight) but I donít have to be depressed or unhappy with who I currently am. Iím a work in progress, I always will be, but every day I can get better. I just need to keep that negativity out of my life.
Edited to add:
A few hours after posting this blog I opened up my Bible app on my phone and the verse of the day was: 1 Peter 5:8-9
"Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are."
I just had to share that because it fit so well with the things I've been facing recently.