Monday, June 17, 2013
It has definitely been a long time since I have spent much time here. An occasional check in but other than that, not much.
A lot has happened since I was here last. And I will attempt to get it in, in a shortened posting.
On Easter Sunday 2010, I arrived in Florida. My Dad had bought a house and invited me to come down and start over. I had just gotten out of a relationship and the change in scenery would do me good and allow me a fresh start.
Never did I imagine I would be saying good bye to my Father less than a year later. He passed away from Myelodysplasia on January 4, 2011.
In those two years, I have been in one dark pit after another. Allowing others to dictate my life, my emotional state, my well-being. A little over a year ago, I started to wake up. Six months ago, my eyes popped wide open and I came awake with a vengeance. And awake I have been since, no matter what those around me try. They lied to me. They took advantage of a diminished emotional state. They used me. They took over and it will be a battle to get it all back the way it should have been from the beginning.
I am back in school. I am looking at my long term future. I am looking at my short term future. I am attempting to figure out ways in order for me to get things set on a track that my Father would be proud of instead of shaking his head in disappointment.
I am trying to find motivation in every little thing I can. It will not be an easy trek, but it will be a rewarding one once it is all said and done. I need my life back. I need a life to begin with, not something dictated by another. Not something that is a shadow of what someone else things I need or need to be.
Its a looooong story. One I may or may not share entirely. But in this, I must give a warning to others. NEVER, and I do mean never allow another to dictate to you what you should be, who you should be, how you should feel, nor how you should think. Because honey, once you wake up, you will have more regret than you can imagine, and the pit you will be sitting in will look as though you will never get out of it. You will think things you never knew was possible. You will wish things you never have before. And you will battle to find out just who you really are.