Dear Self Pity, its time to change and say goodbye
Monday, June 17, 2013
I have enjoyed the results of loosing 50lb through SparkPeople but life through me a curve ball I would not wish on my worst enemy. My amazing soul mate of 10 years and my father both lost their fights against cancer last year in 2012. My life just stopped. While I tried to continue for the sake of my daughter things fell behind in my sorrow and despair. I wallowed in self pity while my amazing 8 year old done her best to keep me sane and happy.
For the most part she succeeded on the surface but deep down no one but myself could help me. What turned the tables you ask?? I got on the scales last night and to my surprise I have only gained 10lb in almost two years since being told that my Tom had cancer. My daughter wanted to weigh herself as well so I let her. Once I saw her weight I knew I had to change my life as well as hers. Yes I had only put on 10lbs in that two years but my daughter has also put on 10lbs since her wellness check a year ago.
My self pity has not only failed me but I have also failed my daughter by wallowing in it. She was disappointed but told me she didn't care. I could tell she was trying to make me feel better. Why oh why did I do this to her??
I could beat myself up or stop, sit down, think about an action plan and follow through. So here I am with the first step on my action plan .... visit SparkPeople. Changing my habits and my attitude to life will pass on those good choices to my daughter. Both she and I have a life to live and enjoy .... so here I am saying a good bye to self pity and hello to a new me. One who cares about the daughter I have and our lives together for many many years to come.
I will remember you my soul mate, sometimes with a smile and a laugh other times with so many tears that I think I could drown. I wont remember you however with this self pity. It is a dark place I don't want to see anymore. Sweet Dreams my love, may you rest with the angels in peace and without pain.