Monday, June 17, 2013
I didn't sleep very well last night. I woke up around 2 AM and didn't fall back to sleep until around 4 AM. When I rolled out of bed about an hour ago I had one of those "not enough sleep headaches," coupled with the nagging and persistent feeling that this was going to be a really long day. I did what any other rationale human being would do in a case like this ---- I got angry. I HAVE A LOT TO DO TODAY!!!! I feel crummy, my head hurts --- Pass the bin of nails for me to chew upon, please.
I sat down to do my morning meditation and the soft and gentle voice that guided me talked about letting go of our resistance -- To scan our bodies and minds, locate the center of our resistance and breathe deep, relax and allow it to dissolve. I have to tell you it helped. I still have a bit of a headache but at least my shoulders are not hunched somewhere up around my eye brows. As I sipped my tea a thought floated past; I resist a lot of things.
Let confine my resistance to diet and exercise for today.
My resistance to change creates a us versus them mentality inside of me. My patterned existence hangs on for dear life while the enlightened side me pushes forward looking to change. Within that whole conundrum I create a tempest of tension inside myself. That wall of resistance, that tempest keeps the healthy change at bay until I decide I'm a flawed human being, always have been, always will be and simply give up. Health like many other things is for someone else but not for me.
I realize I'm stating the obvious but sometimes I can lose sight of the obvious while searching for the exotic and sophisticated.
I closed my eyes again, drew in a few deep breaths and focused on that wave of negative energy surrounding me that resists me moving forward. I didn't bang it over the head with a karmic hammer. I first acknowledged it was there - How many times do you read blogs or responses to your own blogs that say something like this: Sorry you are having this issue John. I'll pray for you and thank God, did I say thank God, I don't have those issues. I never have and I never will because I blah, blah, blah." As a mentor of mine once said "Denial is just not a river in Egypt." - What's there is a strong desire to push that feeling of resistance away, to deny it even exists. I tipped my hat to it and let it go. I told myself that as long as I resisted the flow of positive energy, which also might be identified as GRACE, I was only going to tread water.
As I opened my eyes a subtle difference became apparent to me. My lack of sleep, my headache, my frustration with my lack of progress are there, to deny them would be foolish. The choice I have to make is whether I simply nod my head to them and let them sit quietly in the back row or do I allow them to take control of center stage and sabotage my day.
I can think of a million excuses not to do the things that make and keep me healthy. Tomorrow, if I'm not careful, there will be a million more.
Thank goodness I have you or I'd get lost for certain.
Namaste dear ones