Sunday, June 16, 2013
Where to begin? At the beginning I suppose, but where is the beginning? The day started out ok. I dresses, realized that the dress showed too much cleavage for Church (I was going to my daughter's church as my grandgirl was singing); so, changed into something more appropriate. I went to get gas and then went to the church. I was fine until I turned onto the street where the church is located. Then the tears started. I wanted to wish my Grandmother a happy birthday and I wanted Ed with me to hear the 4/5 yr old choir. I also realized that the sermon would have something to do with Father's Day and also everyone would be congratulating the youth minister on his brand new, week old twins and asking they were doing. The tears flowed but I got them under control before I met my daughter and grandboy.My grandgirl was with the choir and in church.
The three of us went in and my grandboy was a "touch me not" Yes he is on the autism spectrum but usually is ready for hugs, backrubs, etc from me but not today. He sat off to himself and talked to himself. he didn't want to ring the bells that called everyone to worship. Something was wrong. Thankfully we left after the little girls sang and before the sermon. The kids rode home with me and we talked about where to go to lunch. The restaurant that Keegan likes has had a lot of kitchen problems recently; so, I needed to talk him into another one and we decided on Applebees. I promised him chocolate cake after lounch.
We got there and had a little confrontation with keegan but he settled down but when he didn't want to eat the cake it was even more obvious that there was a problem. I asked him if he was tired and he said no. Then I commented that his eyes looked tired and he informed me that they were but the rest of himself wasn't tired.
As soon as we got home we went to the neighborhood pool which was empty except for one older boy that keegan knew. He called him by name and talked to him a bit then swam and floated on his back, jumped in from the sides, etc. Then two more younger boys and their father came in. It wasn't long Keegan got out of the pool and laid down on a chaise lounge and stayed there for a long time. In fact, he never got back in the poool.
When we got home Keegan changed into dry clothes faster than ever before and headed upstairs. I asked why he was going upstairs and he said, "I want the mask". You see, Ed used a C-PAP machine to sleep and Keegan had asked me to keep it; so, I did. That was the mask he wanted. I came upstairs and he asked me to put the mask on. Keegan informed me that it was teaching him to breathe then said, "I miss Pops so much" I lost it and the tears poured and poured and I could hardly say, "I know, so do I, your Mommy, your Sissy, and your Shelly (his aunt).
He is 8 aqnd his sister is almost 5 and they have no father because their father is a serial impregnator and signed over his rights to these children when my daughter divorced him. We have suince learned of 7 other children that the man has and he takes care of none! Now my wonderful grandchildren are feeling the loss of their beloved Pops and the absence of a gather.
It is a day to celebrate Fathers but .....
Lord, this has been a difficult day for me and my children but it has been hard for the two children who are missing their grandfather so very much. Their pain compounds the pain of their mother and me. I ask you to please comfort Keegan and Maeryn as well as my girls and myself. Thank you!