Sunday, June 16, 2013
Saturday , it was nice sunny , did well at weigh in , down 1.8 hooray, worked in our church food pantry bagging up produce for people we served 58 families, God bless them all.
Then I was looking forward to having lunch with my parents and my husband at Sweet Tomatoes, well,, I know I am changing from within and that is also having my own identity who I am and what I want and what my life truly is.
I was so looking forward to seeing my parents I miss them and they hadn't seen my husband in over three months he loves them as well, well my mom had her best friend in town , don't get me wrong this lady is a wonderful lady and I love her dearly , but,,,,,,,,,,,
When she is in town my mom loses all focus on everyone else and forgets about everyone and just focuses on her best friend.
I am there at lunch , trying to share the big events and changes going on in my life, the biggest going back to school and earning a degree in Human services , and making something of myself part of my new identity , ok , so my mom says "Cathy tell Jane (her friend) what you are majoring in "
And I am thinking, "Okay I just told you but I will say it again , I looked right at Jane and said I am majoring in Human services" she totally non responsive like she didn't even acknowledge me , so then my mom proceeds to tell Jane to tell us all her newest venture in her life, which was taking a water color painting class,,
Okay I may sound a bit selfish but I was just sharing about a major change in my life , she is talking about water color painting REALLY????? My mom made it sound like she just climbed Mt. Everest!!!!!
That evening , I was here at the computer just feeling upset, angry , embarrassed, didn't quite know the emotion until I talked to my husband this morning ( no I did not turn to food last night )
My husband I love him so much he pinpointed the emotion right away , I was hurt I felt like I was saying was not important and I felt ignored by my mom , I felt she thought nothing else mattered but her friends ego.
Yes I am 47 years old still demanding my moms attention LOL
After I shared that I felt a peace in my soul, I am moving forward to be who I am and who God wants me to be
I am Rays wife I took His name ,
I am myself wanting to be healthy for myself and be active and make a difference in peoples life , I love people no matter what the people I have in my life are meant to be in my life people who do not choose to be in my life that is their choice ,
So today , I slept in until 8:00 am that rarely happens ,I needed sleep , did grocery shopping got some awesome food, going to cook a dinner that's for tomorrow , went and bought new underwear very exciting for us ladies, my spark men friends sorry but its true, women hang on to ratty old underpants until they are nothing I figure I threw out four pair needed to buy six new pair, as they were h anging on by a thin thread of elastic, my spark lady friends are probably either nodding and smiling in agreement or they are running to their undie drawers to throw out old underpants lol
so now here at home peaceful, serene day ,,
Happy Fathers day to my men Spark friends, need to go call my dad , as for my mom , I will need to be assertive with her without causing offence that I want to visit with her not her best friend and tell her my feelings,
My conclusion of that lunch : I was hurt because I felt I was not being heard and being ignored,
I was angry because I felt like it was a total waste of my time and to me time is precious , I don't like to waste a minute
A little embarresed well not really that just I feel even though her friend , Jane is a sweetie she can be a bit snooty and I felt like she was looking down her nose at us and that she was a bit better maybe not but that's how it came across I know she loves me but not sure what it was , I know I was like a lioness defending her family , my husband , and my belief
I wasn't going to let her look down and think she was so much better as we are working hard with the grace of God
So that's a big step I was able to identify and write out what I was feeling and why ,
What I will tell my mom: That I want to spend time with her and dad but if her friend is in town I would rather not , I want visits to be enjoyable not a waste of time
Hope everyone is having a nice Fathers day and weekend!!