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    ERICAANN44   29,209
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I've been a miner for a heart of gold...


Sunday, June 16, 2013

...and maybe that's my problem. I need to stop MINING. It implies that I should have to actively spend my time digging for someone who is worthy of what I have to offer. No more. I refuse to believe that I won't ever meet my other half. I also refuse to believe that I have to work this hard to find him. I refuse to sacrifice the present in order to worry about the future. I'm going to keep working on myself because I am the only person I can control.

I did something really special for myself yesterday. I've always wanted to buy a stranger's meal at a restaurant (it's even on my bucket list), so last night at dinner I decided to do just that. I asked our waitress to help me pick out a couple to surprise. Obviously, this was all done anonymously. Well, it turns out that the couple we chose hadn't been out to dinner in over a year because money is tight and they have 2 children. It was literally their first night out in a year. The waitress said that they both started to cry because they were so touched. It really made my night to be able to do that. The waitress was in tears telling us their reaction, so obviously she was impacted by it, too. She even asked if she could buy us dessert. We politely declined, but I'm hoping that she might offer to do the same thing for someone else.

I figure that this is what life is truly about. It's not about how skinny we are. It's not about how much money we have. It's about having a positive impact on those around us and learning about ourselves in the process.

In other news, my ex texted me on Friday...which happened to be the one year anniversary of our break-up. Apparently he's applied for a mortgage and is waiting for me to take him off of our mortgage. Well, I'm not in a huge rush for this as I need to do it in a way that allows me to have lowest interest rate. I told him I'd let him know when I'd made progress and that was the end of it. It was nice...I felt nothing for him but annoyance that he'd bothered me at work. I no longer feel that hot ember of hate in my gut when I see his name come across the screen of my phone. I don't love him anymore and I don't hate him anymore. He's nothing to me. However, in a weird way, he gave me the greatest gift of all...his leaving gave me back MYSELF.

From now on, I'M making all of the decisions about how I live. I'm choosing to live a healthy life. I'm choosing to be kind to myself, despite my mistakes. I'm choosing to be happy independently, because if I'm not, I'll most certainly never be happy as part of a couple. I'm choosing to stop worrying so much! I'm choosing to live fluidly.

Time to bust out the air popper from 1985 and make something to snack on.

Thanks, as usual, for listening.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
KLUTERACOON 6/18/2013 5:56PM

    My year anniversary is on Saturday... my oh my how things have changed :)

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JADED_CHICK19 6/17/2013 8:25AM

    I'm so happy you are focused on yourself! That is seriously the number one thing! They always say you need to love yourself before someone can love you..when I met my husband I had stopped looking I was like screw this I'm gonna just do my own thing and then here he comes! Everything will work out the way it's supposed to..you seem like an amazing person and your future husband will be lucky to have you. Also nice work on treating a couple to dinner. That was so sweet of you! Ashwin did that once when we went out but I have never done it myself but I think I will do it next time I can...Thank you for an inspiring blog!

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BRADMILL2922 6/17/2013 12:58AM

    I felt like this is something I could have wrote myself reading this! Thank you for putting it into words! You are right, the one thing that we can control is ourselves. So true but so hard to actually grasp at times when we want something so bad!

That thing you did with paying for someone's dinner was one of the nicest things I have read in a long time! I have always thought about doing something like that too but haven't. You have inspired me to make that happen and I will the next time I get the chance!

I remember getting to that point with my ex, it is very liberating! Good for you! You will be better off for it in the long run!

Great blog!

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