Happy Father's Day to all the Dad's and acting Dad's out in sparkland. Yes, that includes Mom's who are both Mom and Dad to their children. I was, and it is a difficult job. High five to all of you.
I want to dedicate this blog to my wonderful Dad. Even though he passed in 1993, I still honor him on Father's Day. The first couple years year really tough. I felt bad and really didn't even acknowledge that it was Father's Day. Why should I, I thought. I didn't have mine anymore, it just wasn't fair, in fact, it down right sucked. I remember the first year, and my brother Mike told me to knock it off before my Mom heard me moaning and I got her upset. I put on a somewhat happy face and pretended that I didn't even know what day it was. No mention was made. The second year I went to the cemetery and cried my heart out, the first year I couldn't even go.
I don't know exactly when a change started to happen, if it was when my beautiful niece Brianna was born or before that but I started changing my attitude. I looked at the anniversary of his passing, his birthday, my parents anniversary, different holidays a little bit different. Yes, while I still grieved, and miss my Dad terribly, I was blessed to have had him at all. I was very lucky to be his daughter. I could have been born to parents who didn't love me, who abused me, who didn't take care of me. I was born to two loving, giving caring parents. While growing up I didn't always see it that way, as an adult I do now. I was disciplined, which I didn't appreciate then, but do now. I was fed and told to eat my vegetables children in Europe were starving.
I had pretty clothes to go to school and saddle shoes or pat-n-leather. You know, the latest styles. There were 4 of us, Chuck didn't come until I was 12. We were the first on our street to have a color television. Let's just say we didn't go without. We didn't live in a mansion but we had what we needed and a little more. My Dad was a construction worker and he worked hard. That also could be seasonal at times.
I remember going to spend a few days with my Auntie Pauline. When I came home there was a skating pond in the back yard. My Dad had ruined the grass,(learned that in the summer) and made a skating pond). He missed me. I know it wasn't just for me, but it made me feel special. Of course, then everyone wanted to come over to my house. Had lots of friends then. Until a couple of them bought a rink for their yards. I still can't skate backwards.
My Dad taught me how to ride a two wheeler without training wheels. He let go of the bike and I did good for a few feet. I skidded in the sand feel off and he ended up taking me to the ER. I had a concussion. I remember him running behind the bike with his hands on the seat though. I must have been 6 or 7 because we still lived in New Britain, about 11/2 miles from where I live now. I drive by the old house once in a while. Memories.
I remember the move to Windsor. My Mom was madder than a hornet. He came home one day and told her he bought a house and we were moving. That's they way they did things back then. You followed your husband. She said that is the only time in 48 years of marriage she ever thought of leaving him. You should have seen the house. He practically had to rebuild it. I remember going to bed and there were no walls upstairs. He had to rebuilt it, put in sheetrock and everything. Never did fix the stair banister. It was still loose when my Mom moved years after his passing.
. It ended up being a beautiful house.
We got a big above ground swimming pool. That is where you could find me at any time. Right after breakfast until my Mom made me come in at night. I am a fish. My Mom said I had gills not lungs. My Dad would come home from work and swim with us. We would jump off his shoulders and he would throw us. Sometimes he would just want to be left alone. I think looking back it depended on how his day went. He bought a slide for the pool and that was a lot of fun. He built a deck so we could lay out and still see the water to watch the younger ones.
One of my fondest memories is when I had my son Paul. To the day he died my Dad denied it, maybe I dreamed it, but I swear he said You did something no one else did, You gave me a grandson. Thank you. Oh how he loved that boy. He was so happy when Paul was born. I had already left my husband and was bringing my baby home to live with Grandma and Papa. He came to pick us up on a chilly February morning. He was so proud. He carried Paul into the house as it was icy and I had a C-section. I am afraid of stairs go down with a baby. I will go up but when I was bringing the baby down, Papa would come and take him down, Grandma was at work. Papa worked nights. As Paul grew, he adored his Papa. Where you saw one the other was right there. Paul would know when Papa was coming home for dinner. He would wait by the door and as soon as he saw him, Paul's hands would go up in the air. My poor Dad couldn't even wash his hands before picking Paul up. He washed them with Paul in his arms. I am surprised Paul let the man eat. Of course Paul's high chair was right next to Papa. We had to take Paul into the other room so Papa could go back to work. Then he would look for him, he didn't cry though.
One time my Dad, Paul and I did grocery shopping. Everyone in the house of course called my Dad, Dad or Tony. We were his kids. Paul was around 9 months and I had gone to get baby fruit. I came back and put the jars in the cart. Back 37 years ago they didn't have the ties to keep the baby in the cart so Dad stayed with Paul. Well, now it was my Dad's turn to go and get something. Paul starting welling Dadadadadadada and there was this old lady coming up the aisle. She looked at me, at Paul and then at my Dad. She turned on her heel and said I never my God. and strutted off. We started laughing. She must have thought that my Dad was Paul's father. We went home and told my Mom and from that day on everyone, including my Mom started calling my Dad Papa. I thought it was hysterical, I think my Dad was embarrassed or something.
I went to college in 1986 My parents were not too supportive. I was a Mother and Mothers belong at home taking caring of their grandchild. They eventually came around. In 1989 I graduated on May 31. My parents gave me a graduation card and in it wrote something to the effect of We didn't think you could do it but you showed us and did. We are so very proud of you. That meant so much to me. I have that card put away somewhere in a box. I just have to find the right box. They gave me money but that doesn't mean as much to me as those words. My Dad also bought me a car. A 1988 Mitsubishi Precis. I loved that car.
I want to go and see the Long Island Medium. She is coming to the Mohegan Sun casino in CT on August 11. I do really want to go and see if my Dad will talk to me. Then again, I am afraid. I am afraid of what he will say. Is my Dad proud of me? I asked my Mom yesterday Do you think Dad is proud of me, and she asked me Does he have reason to be? That stung a little. I am on disability, having an Associate degree in accounting and didn't get a chance to really do anything with it becoming disabled. I have really f****** up my life so the only thing he really has to be proud of me for is losing the weight. I try every day to do my best and do what I can. I hope he isn't disappointed in me. Tickets for the show are $99.75 and $79.75. What are the chances that you will get a reading?
I hope you enjoyed your Dad's day. I really enjoyed my trip down memory lane. Sorry it was so long. I have a lot of memories.