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    BLVINBUTTERFLYS   27,795
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The same 7 lbs? Come on?


Sunday, June 16, 2013

Hi Friends!

WARNING... anger alert!

I am so pissed off today! I took a hard fall last week, right at the beginning of the week. I had a seriously emo week too, and even though I didn't record all my food, and I wasn't able to work out. I still did not go all out and pig-out on everything.

So then I step on the scale this morning, my regular weigh in day and the same 7 lbs I lose the week before, is back... it's like that week never even happened! Grrr! I am so pissed off cause I worked so darn hard!

Please forgive the mood I am in, I am just so pissed! I guess the question is am I pissed enough to do something about it?

Well, at first I wasn't anything more than a ball of emotion with lots of tears... then came the anger... I am tired of the thought that I will be spending the rest of my life never being able to let my guard down with my body. Every calorie I eat finds a nice comfortable place on my thighs or stomach... it's so unfair and I am so pissed off because it's so unfair.

LOL What is fair? WaaWaa... I know, I know!

Will I ever be able to live a normal life?

I guess the thing I have not truly committed to is that THIS is normal for me. It's going to be MY normal for the rest of my life. The questions are many? Have I really accepted that I will do this for life if I want to be thin, healthy, and happy? Have I accepted that there are things I will never be able to consume the rest of my life? Am I ready to make these decisions?

I think that is the reality I have to face.

Another reality is the why? Why am I doing this? It used to be for my relationship, my marriage, my child, myself. However, my relationships don't care anymore, if they ever did, my husband says he does, but he is nothing but a cheerleader. My son is still very important to me, but he does not want the same things he used to, he is almost a teen, and mom is just boring.

That leaves me... I spent a year being proud that ME was the reason I did all of this, then I let ME down... so now why bother?

Fake it till you make it...

Not sure I can anymore, at least when you fake it, you have found a reason, I think I am having a problem faking it cause I fell like I no longer have a reason.

WOW, I am really down today...

Forgive me for being so low.

I only know one thing right now:

I am not finished fighting...
I am not giving up...
I will find the reason I need...
I will keep reaching for my dreams...

emoticon
Kat

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARCONIUS 6/21/2013 1:00PM

    I went through something like that a few weeks back. Mine was a little different. I got myself good and dehydrated and knew I was going to regain the six pounds I sweated off. Got to move past it. It's just today's number on the scale. It doesn't define you or make you a failure. It still stinks, but it's over. Today is still your best chance to make progress. You CAN establish a new lifestyle.

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LOVINGAFRICA 6/21/2013 11:30AM

    I hate it when that happens. Please just don't give up, ok? And don't give yourself permission to just eat a bit till you feel better.
Bless you

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BABYBARNEY 6/18/2013 3:16PM

    Oh Kat,

You sure have had a rough go of it...but every time you look in that mirror just know that YOU are worth every effort you make to get healthy for YOU. Until you accept how STRONG & WORTHWHILE you are it will seem pointless. Small steps can be so rewarding & IGNORING that nasty old scale may be a great new beginning for you. Your surgery was a new beginning for your future...know that your loved ones...no matter who they are...will benefit from your focus on you.

Butterflies fly free...you can too!!!

I believe in you,

Sandi emoticon

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SHELLE13 6/17/2013 5:02PM

    We all have those weeks! I have been having that month! I understand and yes, it is frustrating. I know you want this and I also want to let you know, you are normal. You have challenges, just like anyone else. It's mastering those challenges that is tough because for those of us who struggle with weight, the challenge has to be met head on every stinking day! It's tough....If there was magic to make this easy, I would give that to you. Unfortunately, we have to do it the good old fashioned way. One step at a time! Hugs!
emoticon emoticon

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CECE0330 6/17/2013 10:25AM

    emoticon

The scale is a big old limey B _ _ _ _ emoticon Seriously. I have been Sparking for almost 5 years (it took me like 3.5 just to reach goal, which I've now got to reach again, since I've gained 10-15lbs) and if i had a nickel for every time that number threw me for an emotional loop, I'd have at least 32.85 by now!!! I have recently decided that i am NOT weighing myself, but focusing on making the best choices possible, and going by how I FEEL rather than what the scale says.

I look at it this way: I'm almost 40 emoticon and I have friends and family my age who are obese, inactive, and on SEVERAL medications. Their quality of life is pretty bad, and frustratingly, many simply don't care to try to change. I have no choice in aging, but I DO have a choice in HOW I age, and I DO NOT want to be 50-60 and reliant on pills and doctors to make me feel good, or just to get through my day.

Emotions can wreak havoc on this whole healthier living journey, and hopefully you're just in a low spot right now and will bounce back. DO NOT FRET OVER THE SCALE! Make good choices today, do what is within your power to feel you are in control of your body, and hopefully you'll feel stronger & empowered & ready to take on the world. emoticon

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HINK2013 6/16/2013 11:36PM

    Kat -

I am sorry!! That totally "bites" and I can understand your frustration!!!

I hope that you can get back on track and find your motivation or reason for working hard to reach your goals.

DON'T GIVE UP HOPE!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!

emoticon

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IAMFAT4NOW 6/16/2013 4:32PM

    Oh you have every right to be pissed off, I don't blame you one bit! And your question about why...and who....is so normal! I used to think that every time I tried to lose weight I was doing it for my husband or to make others proud of me. Then I realized that really, my husband is happy for me and cheers me on but it really doesn't change our relationship, and others don't seem to care either way. It was ME that I had to do this for. I decided to take the narcissist route LOL It's all about ME. What makes me feel good, how it all affects ME, and for the first time in years and years I'm looking for my own praise and my own affection and it works. Hang in there. Who knows why your body is doing what it's doing, but the main thing is you're going forward. Your body will eventually give do exactly as it's supposed to thanks to your efforts.

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EMMACORY 6/16/2013 1:47PM

    That really stinks to see the same 7 pounds....our bodies have a mind of their own sometimes. I gather you are struggling and it is good that you can "name" what is going on. When you can "name" why you really want to lose weight and keep it off, your motivation will keep you going. I'll be rooting for you! emoticon emoticon

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