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    SANDY1969   21,301
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Personal writings, Hubby trouble, be warned.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Well I didn't think today was going to be as lousy as it's turning out to be. BUT IT MIGHT.

I have hit a speed bump in my weight loss but I am not too concerned with it. We went out to eat last night and I had a burger and fries. I did not drink soda. I had 2 glasses of unsweetened tea that I used artificial sweetener with.

I didn't get in all of my water yesterday, maybe about half and I skipped exercise.

Had a fight with the hubby before I even got out of bed this morning. I swear I feel like I am being treated like a second class citizen and I don't know what to do about it.

Our 4 year anniversary is at the end of this month and I have been having the word divorce pop into my head quite a lot lately.

We have money issues. We live paycheck to paycheck and before we got married my husband still lived on the family farm and pretty much had the money to do whatever he wanted. Now he's got his own home and a mortgage and my kids (my son joined the army, and my daughter now has a baby).

I work, but he makes more money. He pays all the household bills and house payment and I pay for the car payment, the insurance on all vehicles and 90% of the grocery and household items.

I was laying in bed this morning. Sunday morning. MY DAY OFF. I never lay in that bed and watch tv. He usually goes in there in the evenings and watches whatever he wants. If I watch what I want to watch I do it in the living room. The living room tv has a loose wire or something and the picture skips on the bottom. This weekend, FREE channels, so it's 8 am and I think, lazy and movie.

Husband comes in. "Just so you know Im going to the garage and Im turning on the TV in there. (The TV's run off the same box so whatever you watch on one TV you have to watch on the other) I asked him, don't you think I deserve to lay in bed and watch a movie?

here comes another..."Just so you know..." We'll have to turn off the cable because I cant afford it anyway and pay all the other bills.

SO I said...I pay what I can out of my check, what do you want me to do?

Then I said...Are you going to turn your phone off too? Well THAT pissed him off.

He has a data plan on his phone and can access internet, facebook, the weather...I have a generic phone with calling and texting.

You see, back when I needed a new phone I told him Id rather have more channels (Hallmark) on the TV rather than have a fancy phone. I said this in passing one day. He goes out and picks out a phone for me and says...here ya go.

I never saw any more channels on the tv.

I am starting to think I am married to a big baby.

Another issue is healthcare. He has several health issues. If I have any, I don't know of them because I have never gone to the Dr except once in the last 10 years. For strep throat.

We do not have the money for me to even get new glasses, but we spend $200-300 a month on his medication.

I am telling you if I had a place to go I just don't know that Id even be here any more.

For the most part we are happy??? But I know that I have always loved him more than he loves me. You might ask yourselves what is to love he sounds like a jerk. He IS acting like a jerk, but I think out of stress. Yes he is a bit spoiled. But he has taken on more than a lot of men would have.

Sometimes I wonder if he is acting like this out of guilt of not being able to do more for me? Feeling backed into a corner.

I know his medical issues are serious, and mine are just what if's...

He is a diabetic and on insulin.

I don't know, I just don't know what to say to him.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALFBUNDY 6/16/2013 5:17PM

    NOT a GREAT WAY TO START THE DAY! I sure hope it got BETTER for you! emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 6/16/2013 2:48PM

    If there is anything that will ruin a marriage faster, it is money problems. And then there is the power struggle in the beginning of a marriage.

I won't even try to evaluate your situation. What are the benefits of staying together? What are you gaining by being married to this man and then ask yourself, is it worth it?

We all need balance and this might give you a starting position.

And then communication can work its way in when you have evaluated all sides.

I really do feel for you. Sometimes situations like that can make one feel trapped. And that can lead to all kinds of problems...health, weight, stress, etc.

I had problems in my marriage and slowly I gave up my power as long as what he was doing wasn't illegal or too costly. We were married 35 yrs. and h emoticon e died nearly two years ago and I had a real problem adjusting to my "new" (?) position in life. I stress new because I didn't realize just how much of myself I had lost in the marriage by giving in to him along the way. Even though my mind had adjusted and I was okay (well, not entirely really) with things.

Your blog was very illuminating. I don't envy the decisions you must make or the changes within yourself if you decide to stay.



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MARIANNE9855 6/16/2013 1:55PM

    well, you have to do what's best for you- I have been married 23 years to someone who is also diabetic- doesn't take of himself and makes 3-4 times the salary I used to make. If I was still working at my old job where I made almost 1/2 what he made I would seriously consider leaving because my sons are now 19 and 22- But I can't even afford the rent on an apt at this point. Money problems are terrible and the constant arguing really can bring you down to the point where you want to eat.
I guess its the old Dear Abby question- are you better with him or without him?
You have only been married a short time- there's a better chance you can both change if you want to. You can be happier if you both want to but its hard work. emoticon

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IAMFAT4NOW 6/16/2013 1:01PM

    You've just described a big part of my life. We love each other, but I wonder sometimes if I am more of a roommate than a partner. In our house sitting down and trying to talk out problems leads to him blaming, excuses, anger and then 3-4 days of him sucking up because he's afraid I'll leave. Ups and downs, ups and downs. More ups than down, though. Hang in there, girl, hang in there. Guard your happiness.

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THOMS1 6/16/2013 12:11PM

    Marriage takes a lot of give and take. Money troubles happen and we have to compromise without threatening divorce every time something happens that we are not happy about. You and your DH need to sit down with clear minds and open hearts and work things out. Do so without bringing the petty stuff into it. Take it from me I have been married for 45 years and I have learned throughout the years that compromise is the answer. Good Luck!!!

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LISA579 6/16/2013 12:10PM

    Can you find the time for the 2 of you to sit and talk about what is going on in your marriage? You are only ones who can decide if it is worth saving. I dont think he is a jerk. I just know men see thinks differently than we do.

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