Personal writings, Hubby trouble, be warned.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Well I didn't think today was going to be as lousy as it's turning out to be. BUT IT MIGHT.
I have hit a speed bump in my weight loss but I am not too concerned with it. We went out to eat last night and I had a burger and fries. I did not drink soda. I had 2 glasses of unsweetened tea that I used artificial sweetener with.
I didn't get in all of my water yesterday, maybe about half and I skipped exercise.
Had a fight with the hubby before I even got out of bed this morning. I swear I feel like I am being treated like a second class citizen and I don't know what to do about it.
Our 4 year anniversary is at the end of this month and I have been having the word divorce pop into my head quite a lot lately.
We have money issues. We live paycheck to paycheck and before we got married my husband still lived on the family farm and pretty much had the money to do whatever he wanted. Now he's got his own home and a mortgage and my kids (my son joined the army, and my daughter now has a baby).
I work, but he makes more money. He pays all the household bills and house payment and I pay for the car payment, the insurance on all vehicles and 90% of the grocery and household items.
I was laying in bed this morning. Sunday morning. MY DAY OFF. I never lay in that bed and watch tv. He usually goes in there in the evenings and watches whatever he wants. If I watch what I want to watch I do it in the living room. The living room tv has a loose wire or something and the picture skips on the bottom. This weekend, FREE channels, so it's 8 am and I think, lazy and movie.
Husband comes in. "Just so you know Im going to the garage and Im turning on the TV in there. (The TV's run off the same box so whatever you watch on one TV you have to watch on the other) I asked him, don't you think I deserve to lay in bed and watch a movie?
here comes another..."Just so you know..." We'll have to turn off the cable because I cant afford it anyway and pay all the other bills.
SO I said...I pay what I can out of my check, what do you want me to do?
Then I said...Are you going to turn your phone off too? Well THAT pissed him off.
He has a data plan on his phone and can access internet, facebook, the weather...I have a generic phone with calling and texting.
You see, back when I needed a new phone I told him Id rather have more channels (Hallmark) on the TV rather than have a fancy phone. I said this in passing one day. He goes out and picks out a phone for me and says...here ya go.
I never saw any more channels on the tv.
I am starting to think I am married to a big baby.
Another issue is healthcare. He has several health issues. If I have any, I don't know of them because I have never gone to the Dr except once in the last 10 years. For strep throat.
We do not have the money for me to even get new glasses, but we spend $200-300 a month on his medication.
I am telling you if I had a place to go I just don't know that Id even be here any more.
For the most part we are happy??? But I know that I have always loved him more than he loves me. You might ask yourselves what is to love he sounds like a jerk. He IS acting like a jerk, but I think out of stress. Yes he is a bit spoiled. But he has taken on more than a lot of men would have.
Sometimes I wonder if he is acting like this out of guilt of not being able to do more for me? Feeling backed into a corner.
I know his medical issues are serious, and mine are just what if's...
He is a diabetic and on insulin.
I don't know, I just don't know what to say to him.