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    LADYIRISH317   73,910
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Father's Day

Sunday, June 16, 2013

This is a day I dread every year. How do I celebrate the man who did his level best to destroy me? Who casually discussed murdering me several times?

I feel the rage, grief and guilt because I can't forgive what he did to me. He died fifteen years ago but I don't know how to release all the pain.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
MRS_TOAD 6/19/2013 8:57AM

    I hope you took the time to celebrate what a wonderful person you are! emoticon

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CARRAND 6/18/2013 10:57AM

    Don't celebrate your Dad. No reason to celebrate at all if you don't want. Or just celebrate your own survival.

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MPARKER67 6/17/2013 10:29AM

    My father died 41 years ago. He died from alcoholism and drown in his own blood. I should be able to forgive him as it is a sickness but the damage he did to our family I can't seem to get past. Once my ex and I were divorced he spent very little time with his son. Fortunately I have a son who is a wonderful father. He is my reason to celebrate Father's Day.

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GLAMNGLOWDIVA 6/17/2013 1:29AM

    I agree, celebrate you. Let go of that and stop letting him control you from the grave. You are such a wonderful person.

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ALFBUNDY 6/17/2013 12:02AM

    Remember your dream from a few weeks ago....where he handed you a SHOVEL!
No matter WHAT he ever did or SAID to you, HE WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN! He CAN'T HURT YOU ANY MORE! Don't torture yourself by keeping these awful memories alive!

It is so HORRIBLE when the people who are supposed to LOVE & PROTECT us choose to ABUSE us in stead.
You MADE IT! YOU ARE A SURVIVOR & don't have to take his abuse any more.
Try to put a "period" to that part of your life & move on! LOOK AHEAD! The past CAN NOT be changed; but YOU are in charge of your future!

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MONETRUBY 6/16/2013 10:17PM

    I love the concept of celebrating YOU today. While your father was never the person he should have been to you, you are a valuable, wonderful human being. You are a lovely person, no matter how he tried to destroy that. He did not succeed, and that should be celebrated.


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DESERTDREAMERS 6/16/2013 10:10PM

    I don't celebrate my father, either - more the concept of the good ones out there. emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 6/16/2013 9:54PM

    I think the advice has been said. Celebrate YOU --- the wonderful, caring, loving person that YOU are!

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MISSG180 6/16/2013 9:48PM

    It's not easy, because no matter how much you despise him, he was still HUGE part of your life. He's not someone you can't simply dismiss because he represents so much that you didn't get. You still want him to be someone you could have loved. And he never will.

So allow yourself to grieve for what you didn't have. It's important to give yourself permission for that, and then to let it go. You may have to do that every single year because every year there is this day comes. It's okay.


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CAROLJEAN64 6/16/2013 6:50PM

    Reading this reminds me of a saying of Buddha's. Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

Stop burning yourself. Accept that the man was a worm who was never a father. You survived in spite of him.... You are loved, lovable and loving!

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NASFKAB 6/16/2013 5:52PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon

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COOP9002 6/16/2013 4:20PM

    Sorry to hear, you have such horrible memories of your father.

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SKIRNIR 6/16/2013 4:17PM

    I don't celebrate my step dad today. Why should I? He wasn't a horrible man, but he was certainly a flawed man who hurt all of his children, those from his first marriage and his second. Do I feel guilty that I don't celebrate him on father's day? No. I do remember him on Father's day for the flawed man he was, same as with my biological dad and my husband's father. I remember them, but not really celebrate them.

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RIGEIN24 6/16/2013 4:15PM

    Don't let him control you anymore. He's gone but he's still managing to rule over your life, thoughts and emotions. I know it's not easy to forget but you are in control now. Take that back from him, and never let him have it again.

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COOKWITHME65 6/16/2013 3:26PM

    Stopping by to see how you are today Mary. I am right there with everybody else. Celebrate you!

Don't sit in the house today. Go out there and do a little something for your self. Go to the market and find a new fruit or vegetable you would like to try, visit a bookstore and check out all the cookbooks (no need to buy),go feed the ducks at the park, treat yourself to a small icecream or iced coffee, go to the dollar store and treat your self to a $5 bag of goodies, grab a new nail polish and paint your toe nails red!!!! Just get out.

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BECKYSRN 6/16/2013 3:11PM

    Mary, you have survived what he tried to do to you. Instead of thinking about him, celebrate the fact that you are here and working on what YOU need. That's what really matters.

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VELVET_01 6/16/2013 2:21PM

    I agree with the other comments. Celebrate YOU being here and being alive and well! My father didn't ever threaten harm to me. Instead he ignored me and still does to this day. It's not my favorite day either, but I focus on my husband this day and the amazing father he is to our children.

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WOWEETOO 6/16/2013 1:33PM

    yes mary that is hard for sure..same with me ans my mother on top of it..and not noticed or 'seen' by anyone..have you read a child called it by dave pelzer??? and the books that was the first time in my life i had seen awful things like what happened to us in black and white to read and cry about..we weren't the only ones for sure but the feeling often comes and goes without warning and i find no one can even conceive of the terrors we went through..and yet both of us came out the other side not always fixed but amazing nonetheless in what we accomplished in spite of all the abuse..i choose this day to honor you my friend for all i know you have are the winner
loves and hugs
the lady mary emoticon

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CATLADY52 6/16/2013 12:58PM

    You survived and can still make the choices you need to make a better life for yourself. emoticon emoticon

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WINDSWEPTACRES 6/16/2013 11:58AM

    Oh, sweet Mary, you don't celebrate the man, you celebrate the fact that you survived the years of abuse and turned out to be a loving, functioning, good human being despite what he tried to do to you. While I'd like to believe that there's some good in everybody -- I'd like to believe in pixies and unicorns too -- I do believe there are some souls who consistently choose evil until they lose the ability to choose good. I've met one or two of these dark souls who have deliberately turned away from the light. They are sad, shriveled people, but they are also dangerous, and I want nothing to do with them. Rattlesnakes have their place in the universe, but I don't want to pick one up and cuddle it.

As for the modern trend of rushing toward forgiveness, sometimes even before we've felt the full effects of the injury done to us, and certainly without waiting for the person who wronged us to ask for forgiveness, I personally just don't, can't, won't buy into it. I know all the arguments about how the forgiveness is for us and not for them, but it doesn't work for me to forgive someone who has always refused to acknowledge that what they did was wrong and hurtful.

Keep working with Arthur on this, remembering that whatever you decide to do, it's ultimately for you and not for your father. You are always in my prayers. emoticon

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NEW-CAZ 6/16/2013 11:12AM


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CHEFSOPHIE 6/16/2013 10:57AM

    I agree that you celebrate the fact that you are alive and enjoying life.

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    You celebrate that you are alive and well in spite of him and you

Make Today the Best Day of Your Life, so far emoticon

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LIS193 6/16/2013 10:45AM


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