Sunday, June 16, 2013
**This is a post I put up on my personal blog.**
If someone were to ask me who my Father is I would say silent. Then the next word that would come up is stable. The third word that would come up is angry.
My Father is your stereotypical good man. He is 73 and very much a conservative man of his time.
He is the most practical and responsible person I have ever met. He was married to my Mother, who except when it came to her own survival, was impractical and irresponsible. They got divorced when I was about 34. My Mother was well taken care of when they divorced.
I am not sure whether this was a conscious act of generosity on my Fatherís part because as noted before, the man is silent.
He is also an engineer. Engineers in general are very special people. They tend to be incredibly bright with a very large blind spot when they look at the world.
My Father and I donít agree on a lot of things. Sometimes when I am talking to him I can hear him bubbling inside. But since getting married to my Stepmother, he tends to keep his opinions to himself for the most part.
One of the differences is that I am a liberal and he is a conservative. However, that isnít really where the differences lie. Itís really more that I am not really the most practical person in the world and like my Mother, I will do and say things that I imagine, grate on him.
There are ways in which we are alike. We both hold in our feelings and then explode. Both of us, no matter what we say or how angry we get with a child, will do anything for our children. Also, and this has got to be genetic; neither one of use can handle calling customer service or any sort of phone support.
On my homepage I say that I would not be here if it wasnít for my Father. Honestly, I donít say that because my Father was an incredibly nurturing and accessible parent. I say that because no matter what I did, my Father was there. My Mother would reject me, but my Father was there. My Mother might have thrown me out of my childhood home when I turned 18 but my Father was still there. My Mother may have been hateful, vindictive, and manipulative towards me, and my Father may have remained oblivious to it and done nothing about it. But he was still there for me.
I have spent the greater part of my life doing things that go against everything my Father wanted for me. I went to college and minored in dance. He would rather I wasnít taking 9 units in dance. I got married, got divorced, moved in with people, didnít have a clear career path, and have in many ways, been an irresponsible individual. But my Father, is still here.
Iím older now and my Dad still pisses me off. But I love him with all the bottled up fierceness that is part of his gift to me.