Still feel .....
Saturday, June 15, 2013
like I'm 259 lbs. Does that feeling ever go away?? There have been times that I've seen a glimpse of myself in a reflection and thought "I still have ALL that?" I know my numbers have gone down but kinda have not realized I didn't loose from just the front of my body. Maybe that's what I've got to tell myself when I have those moments.
Really confused about my mixed emotions about that ^ feeling. I should be extremely proud of my progress and know that if it comes off too fast I might gain it all back and then some. Who knew this process was such a daily emotional roller coaster ride.
I'm actually doing better, so far, this TOTM as far as how much I've gained from hormones and what have not. Not as drastic as last month. Of course I'm a little more active and still counting those calories everyday. May have to switch up those calories as I think my body is getting use to what my intake has been. But that will have to wait til after Mother Natures visit. Need those calories to combat her wicked evil ways. I have decided NOT to weigh myself as much as I have been during that TOTM and that has released some stress along with the research I've done on Spark re: the monthly weight gain. Good to know it's not just me. Educating yourself is very liberating.
I have been proud of my will power.... We went out to Chili's Thursday night and I was very careful in my menu choices. Really took my time in figuring what I could have w/ my daily left over calories. Figured out the calories for several dinner options even my craving for their Old Fashion Cheeseburger and French Fries, over 1500 cal. Good Lord!! that was a kick in the pants, back in the day I would bat a lash at ordering cheeseburger, now hmmmm. So I went with my Santa Fe Chicken Salad and only ate 75% of it and I was full. Pushed the plate away and was able to enjoy a small ice cream cone from Dairy Queen with the other 25% of my dinner I didn't eat.
Lately it has been surprising to me how much more open I am to being intimate with my DH. I've always felt like I was confident in who I am except in the bedroom 45+ lbs ago. Poor DH suffered MANY un-intimate nights before my/our weight loss. He's lost quite a few lbs too lately. Well needless to say I have found some mojo and have been more open to his intimate gestures and initiations. Thus DH is satisfied more often.
Maybe when I loose some more weight I might find my intimate initiations.
So the pros and cons of today are:
Pro's - fitting into smaller clothes I have held onto, not having such a drastic weight gain during MN's visit, educating myself instead of having a pity party, being able to balance calories in vs calories out, more intimacy and kept off 45 lbs so far.
Con's - the fat girl emotional roller coaster ride. She needs to find someone else to torment!!!