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    PATRICIAAK   222,169
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Got Reported to the Coach Jen

Friday, June 14, 2013

I posted this on a blog of a fellow sparker who last autumn was posting a lot about getting a GED:
"You're getting to know yourself re: your weight loss journey.
Too bad your GED is on a back burner as you read your nook.
You deserve that achievement, also! "
This person posts VERY detailed blogs about virtually everything. As it had been over 2 months since the GED was mentioned, I was concerned, thus my comment.
In response, the person quickly posted a comment on my page that studying is contunuing and plans to still get the GED so I thought that was the end of it.
I was quite surprised to get a Spark-mail a couple of days later from Coach Jen that this blogger had reported me for negative comments.
I spark-mailed Coach Jen back and wanted to know what I had done wrong or inappropriate and got the response, "We don't get into specifics when another person reports something"
I have removed this person as a 'friend'.
BTW: If the comment was so upsetting as to report it to a coach, I don't know why it wasn't removed.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOYSGARDEN 6/15/2013 8:26PM

    I'm so sorry Dr. P, that what you offered to that person was taken as a negative comment, and that apparently feelings were hurt. Time to delete that person off the friends list, and carry on. You offer so much good to others that I'm honored to be your "friend". And if you feel the need to correct me on something, go for it!!! Hugs..... emoticon

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SUNNY332 6/15/2013 12:44PM

    Wow - bless your heart. I am so sorry. Sounds like this person may have been more upset with herself than you but her anger came out sideways and directed towards you.

I hope you can let it go and know that it is not about you but about her.

Hugs, Sunny

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PATRICIAAK 6/15/2013 11:13AM

    I thought I made it clear in the blog I was reported for being 'negative'. It was not that the 'inappropriate' button was hit.
Coach Jen did not say I had done anything inappropriate or wrong when I specifically asked. If that had been the case, I would have done all in my power to rectify it.

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PICKIE98 6/15/2013 10:08AM

    I have never been reported,, a milestone I do not wish to reach, BUT I think she felt guilty that YOU ARE RIGHT. I do see how she got offended by the nook remark, as she must feel sensitive, guilty and is immature. However, if it was me, I would have spark mailed YOU first, told you that I was hurt, and you probably did not intend to offend.
The only time I ever hit that button was when I received sparkmail to another Sparkers blog.. she was basically selling porn and sex toys here!! Yikes, I hit that button like it was Jeopardy Championships!!!! emoticon
I would not lose a nanosecond of rest over this person or situation Patricia.

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CHANGE4FIT 6/15/2013 8:36AM

    Oh dear, sorry to hear this. Sounds like you have done the best thing for you.
PJ

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ONEKIDSMOM 6/15/2013 7:19AM

    Often how a comment is perceived is not just in the comment itself or how it's worded but in how the person reading it is feeling / what he or she is carrying at the time they read it. A body can take something "wrong" just because they are having a bad day and ready to blow up over anything.

And, then again, I appreciate the person who said they had clicked on "report inappropriate comment" by accident. I had that happen more than once when using my tablet... my fingers just fumble! I hope that by canceling out of the next window I avoided someone getting "reported" when I really, really never intended to do so! But it's real easy on the smaller screen that is touch activated to do just that (at least for this old lady)!

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DESERTDREAMERS 6/15/2013 6:07AM

    I've sometimes clicked on the "report inappropriate comment" thingy (technical term) by mistake. Oops! Back out of that one fast.

I once was following someone's blog where the Sparker was always very negative and depressive. I finally wrote what I thought was a supportive question, asking if this person had a therapist or anyone to talk to(cause I was concerned there might be suicidal ideation there). Basically got back a "mind your own beeswax". And the comment was deleted. Yipes! Singed my fingers. Didn't get reported, tho ... never read one of that Sparker's blogs again.

Comment edited on: 6/15/2013 6:11:14 AM

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EDITOR 6/15/2013 5:30AM

    Well-it is a deep subject, but SP is nobodies fool, in the words of Mr. T. emoticon

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MNTWINSGAL 6/15/2013 1:10AM

    No need to hang on to toxic "friendships" when there are plenty of other Sparkers out there who would not go the route of reporting you over a misunderstanding. There were many other, more mature ways she could have handled what she perceived to be your criticism. Good riddance to this person!

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NELLIEC 6/15/2013 1:00AM

    I remember once another Sparker wrote a very grumpy comment to me about liking something she wrote on her friend feed that evidently she felt bad about. She never reported me, but I was surprised at her reaction. I also removed her since I hadn't meant to upset her.

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NANCYPAT1 6/15/2013 12:49AM

    I know that so often something said can be misinterpreted and a well-meaning comment can turn into a criticism - most of the time it happens when someone ALREADY feels guilty because they are NOT doing what they KNOW they should be doing. Live and learn - let it go and just smile and move on. (HUGS)

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LINDA! 6/15/2013 12:37AM

    I am so sorry this happened to you.

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BLAZINGSWORD 6/14/2013 11:26PM

    I have had to learn the hard way about what I write and how I speak to others. People are just really sensitive. I've spent a lot of time reading the Book of Proverbs on the mouth. So I've literally had to really listen/read and then think before responding.

I know you meant well. But take a closer look at what you wrote.

"Too bad your GED is on a back burner as you read your nook." This is probably what she/he took offense to because it implies that you think she/he should have been doing something to earn her GED rather than reading her nook.

Something such as, "I know how much you want your GED and know that you are now working towards that goal just like you are doing with your weight loss. You deserve to receive a well earned GED." would be a suggestion.

Like that blogger you were writing about that was always saying how they were going to get their GED, sounded like a broken record. I been there too.

I have a local lady friend whom when I phone, will tell me the same thing over and over again. Like yesterday, she said that they were selling her late husband's car to so and so and they are going to fix it up for his 75-year old day, blah, blah, blah. She told me the same thing all over again today. Regardless of the fact that I know as she told me yesterday.

Or she will turn it into a one-way conversation. Me, I just listen and chalk it up to the fact that she is: 70, (much older than me), is in poor health which contributes to poor communication skills. That's the bottom line.

And so, to keep my sanity, I don't call her except when it's necessary. And then when I do, I have to say, "Listen the reason I called you is because ......." and then tell her I have to go and then say good-bye. And even then, just to say that, it's really hard to get my 2 cents in! LOL!

That's my out.

I really would like to have some private time, one on one with her to just tell her why I don't call much. But the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet. But that is in God's hands.

And like my daughter once said when dealing with her in-laws. It's easier when visiting the in-laws because if things get too hairy, then I always have an out, she and her hubby can leave and both are fine with that. But if the in-laws are at her house she doesn't have an out and so she sets boundaries, like a time limit on their visit or let them know that they have other plans at a certain time so therefore they will need to leave before then.

I guess what I am saying is, that you have an out. It's just up to you to decide what it should be; and it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to "unfriend" them.

I hope you take this with the intent of my heart for you.

It's just a different perspective and I hope that it helps. Because I been there many times.

It's just too bad, he/she didn't send you a personal spark mail instead.

Comment edited on: 6/14/2013 11:30:06 PM

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