Friday, June 14, 2013
Things have been really stressful this month. Relationship problems between Shawn & I, money stress, family stress, Cedar Point was my get away and for 3 days I didn't think about any of it! But now reality is back and after dealing with my problems by eating too much and not exercising, well things are going in the opposite direction. Food has never been just food too me. And I find now that I'm having difficulty eating much at all. I just am not hungry. I'm not purging thank God but I'm not eating enough calories. And I think it's my way of dealing with stress right now. Nothing is stable in my life and I think this is subconsciously how I'm dealing with it. I was anorexic from 8th grade through senior year of high school. And I've always seen found as the enemy or on a good day a necessary evil.
I'm trying to eat more but, nothing even sounds good. But the lack of food is sporadic. I'll go a couple days eating not much then I'll eat normally for a few and back and forth. And I know it's playing hell on my metabolism. A big part of my stress is I feel like my boyfriend is treating me like a burden. It hurts but not as much as you would think.
Before I would have cried and blamed myself. Now I know he's just looking for a scape goat. But I am stronger than this. I'm just a little concerned about the eating. Time to go to my chiropractor.