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    CSINICOLE18   8,704
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Second attempt IVF

Friday, June 14, 2013

Well, we finally made it. After 2 delays/cancellations for this round, I was excited just to make it to the day of the transfer. And that day was last Friday 6/9. That means I am one week into my 2 week wait (2WW)! I feel many of the same things physically that I did last time (miscarried at 7 weeks). I'm exhausted no matter how much sleep I get at night, some mild cramping, breast tenderness etc. But I felt all these things last time, too. I really do feel like the beta test will be positive (I know, perhaps wishful thinking), but I honestly don't think I'll be as excited on that day as I will be when I make it past week 7.... Waiting is awful. I sure hope there's a baby (or babies!) cooking in there.
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CSINICOLE18 7/5/2013 10:07AM

    Just a quick update, even though I know some of you already know...my pregnancy is ectopic, so I will lose this one, too. I did receive a dose of methotrexate to prevent a tubal rupture, so I can't try again (potentially next time will be the last time) for 10 weeks.

The feelings of inadequacy are awful to try to deal with. Why is my body doing this??

Anyway, I'm doing my very best on trying to move forward and focus on something else (starting Whole30 on Monday and following a half-marathon training plan with a friend!), but wow its tough. I'm also trying to start to wrap my head around what my life will be like if we never have kids. We've been on this baby-making journey for almost 3 years, and it has taken alot out of both of us. So what will my new direction be? What will define my life if I'm not ever a mom? Universe defining questions, I know, which will never be answered.

And, the icing on the cake, my best and dearest friend told me she's pregnant...her very first attempt after 10+ years of birth control. Went of birth control, 3 weeks later...bam. Jealousy is an awful feeling to deal with. Ugh. Its hard to hear her talk about her pregnancy symptoms when I'm still feeling some of the same things. Our due dates would've been 3 weeks apart. We always joked about being pregnant at the same time, having joint baby showers, etc. A lot to mourn the loss of, I guess.

Thanks for all your support.

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CSINICOLE18 6/25/2013 4:15PM

    THE UPDATE:

On 6/18, I went in for a beta hcg check. I was thrilled when the nurse called and said my hcg level was 24! Pregnant!! I went back on 6/19, it was up to 40. Then 70 two days after that. Yesterday, 6/24, up to 174!! Yes the number is kind of low, but still in the normal range and still going up, so that's a good sign. I'm 5 weeks pregnant today :)

But...I'm scared. I miscarried at 7 weeks last time, with our first attempt...and today I started spotting. I know, I know...spotting is normal, but last time it happened to me, I miscarried.

I'm scheduled for an ultrasound on Saturday, so hopefully everything looks good. Can't help being scared.


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A-NEW-PAULA 6/14/2013 8:21PM

    I'm new to the team but very excited for you!!!!! It does sound like you have all of the early pregnancy signs!
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Did they tell you to do anything different this time?
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BOMBCHELL23 6/14/2013 12:55PM

    Oh I can relate to that whenever I was pregnant I did not relax until I was three months along b/c I had miscarried a couple of times. I will send some positive prayers your way and if you choose to not tell anyone for a while I will respect that as well. But either way I'll be praying.

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CSINICOLE18 6/14/2013 12:20PM

    Thanks! I will keep you posted :)

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NBLONDHEIM 6/14/2013 12:12PM

    Ohhh I'm sooooo excited for you!!!! I'm sending sticky baby dust your way!!!!

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