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Something shifted

Friday, June 14, 2013

For some reason, I feel myself moving away from Spark participation.
I have much affection and respect for my Spark friends, but sometimes I stumble on blogs that trigger emotions in me. I guess I empathize, feel for them, and then even worry about them. I wonder how to help them, how things turned out. Or maybe I read the various theories about health, weight loss, self-esteem, etc. that seem to vary and contradict themselves and get frustrated and perturbed.

I want to move through my life, doing the best I can to be aware in the moment.

I want to fully participate in my own life, not live in someone else's life, whether it be a Sparker, a trainer, an expert, a blogger, or the advertisement of a salesperson. I want to be me, even if that means that I am rather vain and anxious at times, even if that means I am loud and rambunctious at times, a little too addicted at times. There are many facets to each of us and we display a different side throughout each precious moment.

I don't really have a "makeover plan" for myself or my life anymore. I guess I don't feel the need to "fix" myself. I'm far from perfect. No one is perfect. Besides, what would perfect be anyway........so different for everyone that it is a useless word.

I feel like I'm off the diet train, the fitness train, even the NSV victories train.
I don't know if that means leaving the Spark train. It becomes too much of a lifestyle structured by others or one we somehow design for our ideal selves.
I'd like my lifestyle to be my style, and I don't know if I can be myself with all the
"fix" yourself influence. I think I might be into discovering and enjoying myself instead.

I don't need a makeover. I don't need a makeunder. I need to be me to the fullest.

I remember the title of a book popular about 40 years ago.... "I'm OK, You're OK."

I know is that my life is waiting for me, and I want to live it being me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I can understand your feelings , I know there's a LOT of stuff on Spark People . I just got rid of some teams , Some I dont remember signing up for even , I think when I filled out the questionaire I was automatically signed up ! lol. Sometimes I hit on something that some one writes or a sentence or two in an article that really makes me think so thats good , Good luck being you !
    1731 days ago
    Miss seeing you on our little team but understand your feelings and wanting to back off and reevaluate. emoticon
    1735 days ago
  • ONUTHIN125
    emoticon Wonderful blog. Wow you said so many things that I have been thinking and wondering if I was the only one who was having these thoughts. Thanks for being a real person with real feelings. emoticon
    1740 days ago
    I have always loved how candid you are and will continue to be! Some have suggested a break while others say read lesser blogs! Only you can determine what it is you need right now for you!

    I definitely take a break from Spark as soon as I get burned out. When I came back, I decided to only track water, veggies and exercise! I don't care what anyone says about me NOT tracking my food!

    I read articles that I only have interest. I belong to 5 groups yet the only thing I do in them is huddle & read some of my member's blogs! If they are just too negative; I move on! If someone is in NEED of support; I give it!

    Lastly, I have no problem with people adding me as their friend but I keep my friend's list under 30. I clean it out every 2-3 months by deleting some! My goal is to get under 20 friends to be honest!!! I do this to surround myself with SparkFriends that are great company (for me)!

    If you take a break; please let us who care about you know! You mean a lot to those of us you do communicate with. Again, Spark can be overwhelming on so many levels! YOU are OK and I accept YOU as YOU are although I have no idea WHO YOU are or what YOU look like...I LIKE the YOU that YOU share!!!!

    You will always be OK with me emoticon what ever you decide emoticon
    1741 days ago
    I very much understand.
    My personal way to deal with the 'fix it' influence now is to just have a few friends, a few teams and be very picky in what I read and do at SP.
    If that's enough for me to still feel I can be me and follow my own track, I don't know - time will have to tell.

    1741 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/14/2013 4:26:19 PM
    I agree with the just being yourself and accepting yourself philosophy. With spark I try to come here when I need some motivation/inspiration but not have it be my ultimate guide. Sometimes it's good to take a break if you're not feeling like you're gaining anything by coming here. Trust yourself and do what's right for you. emoticon emoticon
    1741 days ago
    You have to do what is right for you. If you chose to remain, we'll be here for you. If you chose to leave - please just say good-bye (so many don't and we never know what happened).
    1741 days ago
    I love this blog. I think it's wonderful that you are at peace and don't feel the need to change anything. You are more than OK! And I can relate about conflicted feelings in terms of SP participation. I do love this site, but sometimes blogs do upset me as well.

    Anyway, enjoy living life to the fullest! Any less screen time is great by me!!
    1741 days ago
    I can totally relate - this site is wonderful for obtaining a goal for some of us, while others find it a great tool to maintain their lifestyle. I've not used it as a maintenance tool, so finding the same comradeship as I had during the beginning is difficult. I've 'd-friend-ed' folks who are on different journeys or I can't assist and continued to look for places I might 'fit' - took time off and came back (love the Mindfulness and Meditation Team) and am now spending much less time here, but enjoying it @ a different level.

    You too will "I know is that my life is waiting for me, and I want to live it being me."

    1741 days ago
  • A*L*P*
    I have been right in that very spot before and I know exactly what you're saying. I quit trying to put myself into molds be it 'dieting' or even intuitive eating. I took a bit of a step away from SP for a time to regain a sense of what i want and decided to remain on simply because I do love the support here. I also have quit trying to put myself in a mold and am simply working my own program. I have been quiet about it because of the reasons youl listed. I feel like I get bombarded with 'advice' that is unwanted at times of what *should* be done. However, now that I have found my own personal niche I feel my place here can be without all the craziness.

    I love and hate blogs. I read one the other day and unfriended the person because she posted her blog and then proceeded to be so argumentative on it becuase of the comments that were being made there. Anymore, I have my friends of blogs that I follow (yours is one emoticon ) and that is it.

    I would hate to see you go on one hand, but would understand your desire to on the other. I love reading your blogs and your insights are amazing. Just do what you need to do and if you choose to stay, just know that we're always here waiting for ya!
    1741 days ago
  • DEVANS60
    Very well put. You dont have to meet anyones idea of who you should be except your own. As long as you are happy with yourself! :)
    1741 days ago
    A lovely blog, which almost exactly sums up what I feel too. I want to live a real life, not a cyber one. I am happy as I am. I still have exercise goals, because being fit enables me to do the slightly extreme things I enjoy doing, and I like the feeling of pushing myself, but the rest of it? No. I have come to realise that happiness comes from within, and doesn't rely on shape, weight, or anything else but me.
    1741 days ago
  • DARJR50
    Sounds like you are going through a burnout phase. I think we all have them. Take some time to just enjoy life without your diet/exercise routine being the main focus. Don't go on a binge of bad eating and playing couch potato but cut yourself some slack until you are ready to make the effort again. Spark people will always be here for you when you ae ready to utilize the program again.
    1741 days ago
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