Friday, June 14, 2013
For some reason, I feel myself moving away from Spark participation.
I have much affection and respect for my Spark friends, but sometimes I stumble on blogs that trigger emotions in me. I guess I empathize, feel for them, and then even worry about them. I wonder how to help them, how things turned out. Or maybe I read the various theories about health, weight loss, self-esteem, etc. that seem to vary and contradict themselves and get frustrated and perturbed.
I want to move through my life, doing the best I can to be aware in the moment.
I want to fully participate in my own life, not live in someone else's life, whether it be a Sparker, a trainer, an expert, a blogger, or the advertisement of a salesperson. I want to be me, even if that means that I am rather vain and anxious at times, even if that means I am loud and rambunctious at times, a little too addicted at times. There are many facets to each of us and we display a different side throughout each precious moment.
I don't really have a "makeover plan" for myself or my life anymore. I guess I don't feel the need to "fix" myself. I'm far from perfect. No one is perfect. Besides, what would perfect be anyway........so different for everyone that it is a useless word.
I feel like I'm off the diet train, the fitness train, even the NSV victories train.
I don't know if that means leaving the Spark train. It becomes too much of a lifestyle structured by others or one we somehow design for our ideal selves.
I'd like my lifestyle to be my style, and I don't know if I can be myself with all the
"fix" yourself influence. I think I might be into discovering and enjoying myself instead.
I don't need a makeover. I don't need a makeunder. I need to be me to the fullest.
I remember the title of a book popular about 40 years ago.... "I'm OK, You're OK."
I know is that my life is waiting for me, and I want to live it being me.