Friday, June 14, 2013
I don't so much like writing blogs that are a drag but as I try to turn things around for myself these days if I am waiting for things to be really good again and fun...I have no idea how long the wait will be!
I have started having insomnia again. I used to get it years ago before Quintessa was born when I was in great turmoil with my family (parents and sibling) and my emotions. I had gone through a very long period of therapy and not had it seriously again until now. Each week I have been having more and more days of it...sometimes I think it is over and then I get another bout. This last one has lasted me almost a week going on one or two hours of sleep a night. Basically I am a mess the next day and walking in a stupor...only to find that as tired as I am I cannot sleep again the next night.
What am I thinking about? Up til last week it was nothing and everything. I was worrying about life in general...the kids, the move, the new job...anything or sometimes nothing and I just felt like I was in a bubble. Then...last week I was shoved over the edge into full on panic attacks. Why? Mr. Crabby Pants... but perhaps now we should call him Psychopath Sam.
If you recall, when we moved out he sent us an outrageous bill for about the equivalent of 2000 USD. It was unreasonable and ridiculous and we stated that we would not be paying the bill for normal wear and tear. This sent the matter to some kind of mediation company. He had a certain amount of time to respond. Well...last week he responded. He is now claiming that we owe him more like 10,000 USD as well as possible plane tickets (2 sets) if he just happens to be out of the country in South America with his associate if we set a court date and he has to be called back. In other words, if we set a court date he will happen to have airline tickets that we will have to pay for at that time...to the farthest location that he could think of!
He crawled around his house taking pictures of every scratch and piece of hair behind the appliances. He rigged photos to make things look dirty that we did not look dirty...he said we broke tiles in the floor which we did not and he could not find a suitable replacement so he had to re tile the entire floor. He said the house was unlivable and unrentable. The thing is...he moved in after we moved out AND has a tenant. (My old neighbors told me) He is forcing us through some kind of legal battle and it is so nasty (his pictures make it look like the house is a pit) that the original person who was helping us has backed off. Our neighbors won't help us either because they are afraid of him. Our company is still helping us at this point by helping us draft a letter in response and the realtor says he is infuriated and that the man in insane because he did the walk through and signed off that the house was in fine condition. He says that he will stand up for us in court but Norwegians stick together and I don't have faith in that really. Maybe...but not for sure.
Everyone says he has no case and that this has reached an absurd level. He stated in a letter that he blames our children and our parenting for the condition of the house ...that we let them run wild with no structure or discipline. He states that he had asked us to control the noise from them on numerous occasions...complete lies. He always said how great they were and that the noise from the children was wonderful. There were other lies in his letter attacking us personally.
So I have lived through this kind of thing before...with...guess who...this brother of mine who has just passed away. He had a panache for wreaking havoc in the lives of those around him. He would become unhappy for some reason with me and try to get me fired from jobs...working tirelessly at it. He would get in trouble for threatening my father with a pipe that was actually a piece of a lamp (I had given him the lamp...to use as a lamp) and he threatened to drag me into the court stating that I gave him the weapon. He once was traveling across country bringing my and his belongings from college back to where we would be living for the summer with my parents and got cold one evening on the trip so he burned my things to keep warm. He would steal my car so one night before finals (I needed my car to get to my exams the next day) I hid my car just in case...he banged on my door all night long threatening me and keeping me from sleeping. I managed to get to my first set of exams in the morning but my parents called me and said that he had been harassing them about it during that morning and I needed to hand over my car so he would leave them alone. They paid for a taxi for me but I lost in my battle to be stronger than him. I always lost my battles in those situations...always. Why? Because people like this make life so incredibly uncomfortable for everyone around them that they just want it to go away and they give in just to make it stop.
So my brother is dead now. The funeral was fine but the time home was disturbing because everyone wanted to pretend he did not lead the life he did. Now that he was gone he was thought of as funny and caring, loving to animals and someone who like to garden. Anyway...that nonsense may be for another blog...maybe. But now that he is gone another person with a strong personality disorder has reared up larger than life (in the way that they do) and threatened me and my family. The thing is...do anything you want to me...I can take it...been through it already but now it involves my family and trying to drag us all down.
So I know logically that he probably won't win...or won't win the whole 10,000...he shouldn't win any of it. The thing is my emotional state was not so strong to begin with and this has just caused overload. The anxiety that was once my constant companion but had taken a vacation is now back. My strength wavers everyday and I feel as though I cannot see how to get back to feeling happy and in control again. Normal even. Patrick has taken over most of handling this, knowing that is so hard on me but it is not so good either because he is tired and worried too. We are foreigners here...we don't understand all of this and what he has the right to do and what he doesn't. We will get help from our company and perhaps the realtor...yes...but people like this are excellent at scaring everyone off...they don't want him getting stuck on them.
So here I am. I have the day off...again. I have started to run again. My thought is I have to get some of these fight or flight chemicals out of my system because they are building up. Adrenaline I suppose. It helped the other day but now I am sad and sore. :-)
So letting you know...in a bit of a tailspin but my logical side knows this can't last forever...it will end...and the sun will come out again.
p.s. As I wrote that last phrase I just realized that the sun is actually very much out and sets this time of year for only a few hours here and insomnia is hard to deal with when you are staring sunny clear blue skies almost all night long.