Thursday, June 13, 2013
This week has been a big challenge for me. This past weekend was our anniversary and I ate, drank and skipped work outs. I "gained" 5 pounds as a result -- air quotes because I've learned enough to know it wasn't really 5 pounds of fat.
But apparently, that's not enough to stop me from beating myself up. I spent the entire week trying to move past a toxic mixture of guilt, shame and self-defeat. For the most part, I stayed the straight and narrow regardless. After a huge celebratory dinner on Monday night, I've since stayed in my calorie range and made my workouts. But that hasn't stopped me from feeling like a failure.
I get it: it's all in my head. But that's the problem. I LIVE in my head. And in my head this week, I'm a failure, in my personal life, in my work and especially in the arena of weight loss.
This process has it's ups and downs. One thing I will applaud myself for is the fact that I have not used this toxic thinking as an excuse to binge or skip workouts. I know the trick my mind is playing on me, and I'm not falling for it. But that hasn't made this week anymore pleasant for me.
As the indulgence of the weekend recedes into memory -- and these five pounds along with it -- I am regaining my footing. But a word to the wise: Moving forward, I should choose to indulge or not indulge but I should choose NOT to wallow in self-pity later either way.