Thursday, June 13, 2013
Well, yesterday I was successful and finished my day 25 strong.
Then I woke up this morning with a mood change. Seems my hormones are jumping...I'm working toward the goal of menopause and having a few bumps. Before I went to work I called my husband crying, not wanting to face my workday. I wanted to open the shades to see the sun, but it was so hot already in the morning, I didn't want to heat up the house by letting the sun shine in. I cried about that, too. I haven't cried for "no reason" for quite some time now, and my hormones haven't really been jumping much. I just seemed out of sorts this morning. My heartburn was bothering me after breakfast of yogurt a plum. No coffee. I miss my coffee. Anyway this is all to say that I got off to a rocky start this morning.
I packed a nice lunch. Went to work and work wasn't so bad after all. I got home at 2:30 and sat to relax a minute. My hubby called and asked me to go to the store for something. I had to pick up something at the pharmacy there, so that worked out perfectly. Until I got in the store and was drawn to a day-old bakery cart. I have no idea what possessed me to take it, other than it was cake and only $1.50. Sucker! I started seeing other treats on sale and started to put three more items in my cart. NO! I put the three things back, but I hung on to the cake! WHY?! As I proceeded through the store I had a passing thought that "I am buying a binge food" Then, "I'll just have one piece and throw the rest away" "It will be worth 1.50."
Bought it. I usually try to go to the store with my hubby, which keeps me honest with myself. But I have to learn to go to the store on my own. It's not fair to make him go out to the store with me after work when he is tired. He has other things he wants to get done.
Including some of the cake and some potato chips, I ended up going over my calorie range by 800. I was in denial that I was binging until after a light supper I counted the calories I'd eaten. I decided to be a big girl and face facts that it was a binge. I may feel like saying it's a "small" binge, since I usually eat three times that in binge food. I didn't make myself sick feeling, or stuffed feeling, but I stopped. And a binge is a binge. You just know deep down that you are binge eating.
I think it's important for me to not overreact and punish myself for the binge. I want to be gentle and kind to myself. I wrote in my journal about my feelings and worked on a page in my Visual (art) Journal. I decided I'd fess up and blog about this, pick myself up and move on. I went upstairs and biked for 40 minutes. Nothing crazy. I don't plan to purge by exercising like a madwoman.
While I journaled I figured out how many days it is until my daughter's wedding. It's on Aug. 10. That's 57 days. What I want to do is surpass the 25 binge free days, but wouldn't it be awesome if I can stay binge-free till the wedding? (and beyond!)
So I call this a hiccup. Not a catastrophe.