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    VTRICIA   48,008
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Who I want to be?

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Last night I saw a bumper sticker that said "Remember who you wanted to be." It's my birthday this week and I guess it's an opportune time to reflect on this question.

Physically, I am well beyond anything I would have wanted to be before the last 18 months or so. I mean, I guess if I go way back to high school I thought I should weight 120, and I must have been shorter when I had that idea in mind. The reality that I'd forgotten is I weighed about 15 pounds more than I do now when I was 15. But for most of my adult life, I thought it would be good to just weight 190, and I weight about 158. So that was pretty good.

In terms of family, I've been married for 22 1/2 years and have 4 amazing children who just fill my life with wonder. I came from a big family and I guess as a kid I thought I would have more, and even after I got married I figured an average between my family and my husband's family ought to work, but we lost our first child so I'm truly grateful for every minute I get to spend with who I've got. I'm grateful my parents are alive and that I have my siblings.

Though the first thing I thought of when I saw the bumper sticker was career and professional stuff. But mostly I've chosen to pursue the family track instead of the professional one. I wanted to be a chef and an artist and later a writer. I am a pretty good cook. I can make smearcase and stuffed pizza. I had meant to do more art this year but haven't, and that's mostly been a procrastination/avoidance thing and ties into the mental/spiritual area. I have written a lot, but I haven't put in the self-discipline to move toward getting published. And I guess that's really the thing that made me most wistful about seeing that bumper sticker.

But I'm really glad for where I am spiritually and mentally. I do at least have a clear idea of what I want to write and why. I am not depressed like I was chronically when I was younger. So I wouldn't say I have forgotten who I wanted to be. I've mostly become someone I could never have imagined.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
BRAVELUTE 6/19/2013 2:53PM

    Happy Birthday. Hmmm. Maybe I'm just too old, but I don't remember thinking a lot about WHO. Do remember the quest for WHAT I wanted to be. Do remember latching onto ideas about WHAT I wanted to be like--with things like kind, understanding, tolerant on that list. For me, these things are the basis for the WHO, no matter the WHAT or size or career, or health.

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HAKAPES 6/17/2013 4:02AM

    Happy birthday! And great reflection on yourself.
I like you have the courage to highlight your family as the one you put first. Encourages me to do the same, put family first.
As for publishing, I decided recently that after all those science publications and workplace reports, I could finally write my own stuff. So I opened up a word doc, and jot down whatever feels interesting. Maybe it'll be something more shaped in the end. Now, it's just absorbing my thoughts.

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JUMPINJULIE 6/14/2013 10:10PM

    Great blog.

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NILLAPEPSI 6/14/2013 5:24PM

    emoticon for this great thought-provoking blog. emoticon

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CDCSMITH2013 6/14/2013 7:06AM

    Happy almost birthday. I think your appreciation for what you have, overshadows what you still want to do andI think that is a good thing. There is still a drive and a goal of some sort for the thingsyou still want to do, but you haven't forgotten to enjoy what you have now.

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POPSY190 6/14/2013 3:24AM

    Today I bought a painting from a woman who started to paint when she was 60. She said she was a late started because she lacked the time until she retired. Raising a family is time-consuming as well. So I'm sure you'll enjoy meeting your writing goals in future.

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AJDOVER1 6/13/2013 5:15PM

    Thanks so much for this. It seems every job I've had since college, I've taken with the attitude "I'll do this, for now." It makes me sad when I see people who have been more focused and achieved so much more than I ever will.

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NEEDBU66 6/13/2013 2:47PM

    Good for you. Said basically the same kind of thing to daughter #1, who pursued the career track and daughter #2 who is married, mother of one. Neither choice is better than any other. emoticon .

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JSPIN74 6/13/2013 2:30PM

    emoticon emoticon

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