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Kitty's Stressed - Sorry.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

I am strong and determined. I can handle whatever life throws at me.

I need to keep repeating this right now. I really just need a vent. I have no idea how long or rambling this is going to be so no read for the customary read. Just getting stuff out.

I know I posted about the drama llamas, but it appears a herd has taken up residence at my house. I will take down the embarrassing shaved llama picture if they just leave!!! I mean come on, it was just a joke!

In all seriousness, these are the things I can handle. Normally. I did make the mistake of letting some of the people who have “used” me back into my life last month. They are right back at sucking me dry. My spiritual group is the bulk of these people. And they wonder why I don’t want to “take care of them” when only 2 of 19 have even asked if I was ok since I stopped the meetings at me house in December! Good grief. I know I have to cut this loose but it is so hard.
Add to that a ton of family drama and my dad’s wife (she is just a drama llama wearing a human skin). A splash of needing a new roof and no money or equity in the house to do it. Job and people at work driving me crazy. “Friends” who lie, BS, and don’t take responsibility for themselves but want me to “fix it” (not help them because that would take work on their part) – you get the picture. I’m stressed.

Last night was the end of what I could take. I come home from work and hubby is sitting on the floor, looking like crap. He says take me to the emergency clinic. The man who won’t go to the doctor wants to go to an emergency clinic. I cancelled my training appointment and we left.

Five fun-filled hours later, we find out he has a “hernia” in the area of the bowel resection that was done in 2010. He is going to need another surgery. They made him an appointment with a surgeon (on the 24th) and sent us home with “if it gets worse or doesn’t get better by Saturday, go to the ER”. FRACKIN’ REALLY!!!! Nothing for the nausea or the pain. No further instructions. NOTHING! He is throwing up WATER but go home. Of course hubby wants to go home and will just wait it out.

I have to laugh right now. Or I’d be non-functional and in tears. HE DIED on the table last time. I’m really not certain how I’m supposed to do this. I gave into hunger and emotional eating last night. I know there is NEVER an excuse. But at least I binged on “healthy” foods. I don’t even know WHAT or how much I ate, I just know it was some combination of peanut butter protein bars, apples, grapes, cherries, tuna, and bananas. I think it was just not knowing what to do and not being able to show just how scared I am. Hubby needs the strong, tough girl right now. Mushy weepy girl has to stay in the closet for a while.

Thanks for listening. I’ll try to be better tomorrow.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh my heart is hurting for yours right now. I'm praying for your hubby's safe recovery from this problem. I'm sorry but the medical profession is my book are all a bunch of money grubbing morons! At least down here in my neck of the woods.

    Nows the time to get up close and personal with your angels...and your sparkies...we want NOTHING but the absolute BEST for you and yours!

    Hang'll get through this...I guarantee you are strong and look challenge in the face and flit it off like a flea on your shoulder!

    Hang in are the BEST! emoticon
    1730 days ago
    hi love i can imagine how you feel and also i know what is going on in your husbands mind re the new opuration after the last nana actually died on the operation table.i also did for a short while in my 2010 opuration and had to be ressucitaded and it is always in the back of my mind everytime i have to go for a new operation and it is very scarely.inshallah all will be well.know both you and your husband are in my thoughts.take care and if there is anything i can do love let me know. emoticon
    1736 days ago
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    1736 days ago
  • CAALAN23

    That is an awful lot for a whole committee of people to deal with much less one woman.

    I hope you find strength to banish those who do not help themselves nor you. I also hope hubby feels better but maybe he needs to see your stress too. He cannot continue to avoid his issues and hope that you pull him through every time. Marriage...ugh.

    Prayers for you. Give your trouble to God when you have no idea what to do. Make Him aware of your dire need in this moment.

    I know you are strong just from all you have listed so I know you can do it! Hang tough!
    1736 days ago
    OMG! You ARE an amazing woman! You have all of this going on in your life yet you find the time and the will to let each of us know how awesome we are. Wow! I was crying as I was reading you post so if you don't want to cry I did it for you. Take one day at a time. As for your spiritual group, you will have to make a clean break unfortunately. It happened to me and it sucked the life out of me until I did. I hope everything with your husband comes out ok. I will be praying for you and your family. If I could hug you I sure would!
    1737 days ago
    Sometimes being strong means knowing when to ask for help. Being supportive doesn't always mean being a rock either. You are strong and you have accomplished so much that no matter what life throws at you or how many herds you face, you can handle it.

    You need your energy and focus to take care of yourself and your husband. Feel free to send anyone in you life not on board with that packing.

    Hope everything goes well. Keep us posted.
    1737 days ago
    Do what you can to be strong and brave for your husband. Just keep in mind that you are his rock right now and you have to keep yourself healthy. Maybe it is a wake-up call to make a cleanup and keep in your life the people who really matter.

    I hope it won't be anything serious. I wish you all the best!!!

    1737 days ago
  • LOSER05
    1737 days ago
    Many many hugs Kitty. You really are going through a lot right now. You sure are one tough Kitty, because I know I would have lost it a long time ago. Wish there was something I could do or say. But I am sending you many happy vibes and will keep you and your hubby in my thoughts and prayers.
    1737 days ago
    oh wow! Call hubs doc and talk to him about his stuff see if there is any relief til the surgery. As for the Drama Lamas NOT your job to fix, take care of, hold hand, or any number of their wants/needs.

    Your Job is to take care of you and hubs that's it.... take a DEEP breath, and another, have a good cry if you need to, then take another deep breath and do what needs to be done.... you will get through this.

    Praying for your husband to not be in pain, surgery to go well, and for peace for you!. emoticon
    1737 days ago
    Hi Kitty,

    I am so sorry you are going through such challenges! You will get through (and so will hubby)! I'm sure you have your own affirmations but throne Psalm that gets me through every time is 23 (I think I recall you believe in G-d)! My prayers and hopes are with you!

    1737 days ago
    Wishing you relief.
    1737 days ago
    Oh sweetie, what a mess right now! I'm sorry you're going through all of this!

    First, ignore everyone but DH and your son at the moment.

    Next - take him to the ER. Don't wait for things to get worse. Get him to the ER, or call the dr who did the surgery last time. (Who should be prepared for your DH's medical situation and how his body responds to surgery.)

    Then - call your BFF who is supportive of you. Not anyone needy. Someone who will be there for YOU. Have them hang with you at the hospital, or at home. BEcause you need support too.


    Hope things are better tomorrow!
    1737 days ago
    Feel free to vent!

    I am here for you in any way I can!

    I know you will be able to 'hold it together' for yourself. Even in all the pain and scary stuff going will find respite along the way. I am here!

    My personal thoughts . . Call the surgeon! ! ! Get his/her opinion ASAP! A lot of times they just get the referral and NOT the notes why you were referred until you get there!

    'Spiritual group' . . "By their fruits ye shall know them" I do not know these folks . . yet in my life I do not tolerate unacceptable behavior and I have no problems drawing the line in the sand! I do hope it works out for you!

    I am here for you . . because you are you . . and you are enough!

    1737 days ago
    Sorry things are rough right now. Hang in there and hope your hubby feels better and the surgery goes smoothly. emoticon
    1737 days ago
    Oh Kitty, I'm so sorry that you are going through so much right now. emoticon

    Sounds like your spiritual group should be out of your life ~ you don't need all that stress, nor do you need to be used. emoticon

    You concern right now is your DH. What's with those doctors ? They should have been more concerned considering his 2010 surgery. Does he have a primary care physician that he can see & talk to immediately ?

    If there is anything I can help you with on the team, please let me know, and I will try to do what I can. emoticon
    1737 days ago
    So sorry to hear about the problems.

    I hope your husbands hernia doesn't cause him too much pain or problems until he gets the surgery.

    I can so understand how you are stressed to the max right now.

    Big emoticon
    1737 days ago
    1737 days ago
    Wow Kitty! ............ You have one big cheering section and sending lots of supportive hugs and good wishes ................... and like a few of the 'others' ............ I agree .......... send those blood suckers packing!! emoticon ............. (I know--we used to have a bunch of those in the family etc.) who would suck the marrow right out of your bones............... and don't worry about stuffing your face .............. with all your do 'right' one day is not going to derail all the good .............. If it did, most of us would look like toads or worse!! .............. I and we have your back!! emoticon
    1737 days ago
    Drop the bloodsuckers like the hot potatoes they are! Put your energy into what matters most right now, your DH. Other concerns will still be there when you return to them. Don't feel bad about binging a little (on healthy foods, no less). Perhaps it's your body's way of getting ready for the struggles ahead. Prioritize, and take things one step at a time. YOU CAN DO THIS! We have your back. I'm sending positive healing energy to your DH, a big hug to you, and asking the Universe to watch over you both.
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    1737 days ago
  • DARLY55
    My Dear Kitty,
    Wow, you have it coming from all directions! I agree with DeeDee - Kick everyone to the curb, for now and concentrate on hubby. Just keep an eye on him, take him to the ER as directed if needed.
    Is there anything I can do for you? Anything we, as a team can do for you?
    My prayers are with you two!
    Please do not hesitate to ask me for anything, if I can be of help.

    1737 days ago
    Kitty, I just want to say stay strong. I only have a few close friends and family, and I am good with that. They are all I need and live for-- and at times this is all I can handle.

    Take time for yourself even if it's to do some thinking; you need to stay healthy and make sure you talk to someone if you need to vent, or need that emotional/mental support. Writing is good for me to get my frustrations out. If you are religious then turn to your faith as well-- this always helps me get through my tough times.

    Hope your husband gets better soon! Head up!
    1737 days ago
    You need to take care of the important things first and foremost. You have been a pillar of strength thus far. I know you feel you are at your breaking point ,but you are the backbone of your household.
    I wish I could say or do something to make it better.You can be the mushy girl in private,but try to be stronger ,to give hope to your hubby.I wish you did not have to endure this.Hoping it gets better for you. emoticon
    1737 days ago
    Hugs. I hope all of your drama llamas leave and fast!
    1737 days ago
  • JUSTME29
    I suppose since he refuses to go to the doctor normally, he probably doesn't have a primary care doc that he has a good relationship with. Do you have a doc that you see that might take him on? I'm not a medical professional so I have no idea what "normal" symptoms look like vs "abnormal" - but I do believe that if you are concerned, then there is reason to be. You both will be in my prayers.

    As to the other "stuff" - they can all go jump in a lake. Tell these people what is going on and then step back. You don't have to do anything for them, they should be letting you cry on their shoulders not the other way around. Family and work issues are harder, but they will simply have to understand that your single priority right now is to get your hubby healthy.

    I'm just a sparkmail away tonight - but I am leaving town tomorrow morning and will be offline until Tuesday. I am sending huge hugs to you though, and prayers for strength as well as healing.
    1737 days ago
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    1737 days ago
    I wish there was a way to package a "good day" as a spark goodie... just remember - we are ALL here for you - you aren't just dragging people along in your wake, we are also supporting you and pushing you further than you would go on your own. I am sure more than one of us knows a bit about what you are feeling - and we all want to be there to help - all you have to do is ask.
    1737 days ago
    duuuuuuuuuude! That's crazy!!!

    Let it out.

    I got your back.

    1737 days ago
    Kitty dear . I think you need to get in touch with your doctor. Sicking up water is not a good sign ..
    As for the your circumstances with relies, maybe you need to just get them out of your system . I agree with what everyone had said .. You need to do what is right for you and your hubby and your own family .. Hugs emoticon emoticon
    1737 days ago
    Oh Honey. *HUGS* You can be weepy girl with me anytime you need to. As for the Grove, I'll miss it, but I do get it. Especially with everything going on, you need to do what's best for you guys. And that means taking care of the 3 of you, and your girls. Don't worry about yesterday - sick hubby definitely is a stress day.
    1737 days ago
    ok , first , kick out the "spiritual" pests . don't fix anything and this is not the best moment to help them either. the one who needs help is you . second , wtf? just hernia shouldn't have any symptoms except a bulge, only a complicated one does. a complicated hernia requires emergency surgery . so if he continues to feel bad and has symptoms of intestinal obstruction( throwing up , abdominal distension , abdominal pain , intestinal transit stopped) don't stay at home , go immediately to the hospital. unfortunately I don't know what to say about treatment , we treat these things in the hospital and do surgery in days if required. try to keep him hydrated , maybe rehydration salts if he throws up much. and listen with your ear on the belly to hear bowel movements. if they completely stop it's bad . keep calm , it will be ok , you'll see emoticon
    1737 days ago
    I learned the hard way that there is no such thing as letting these types of people back
    "a little bit." They only get better at draining me, and I don't need/want the drama in my life. Been much happier since I expunged everyone like this awhile ago. Lots of peace and quiet. Hope your husband is okay.
    1738 days ago
    DH, obviously the most important of your concerns! I am so sorry they're so FRACKIN' unbelievable that their instructions are to go back to the ER if things get worse. REALLY? SHOULD HE wait for it to strangulate or what??? I'd be really peeved (ok . . . P.O.'d is probably more like it!) I'd make a call to your general health care provider and get some guidance! If he can't hold down water, this is NOT an issue that can wait till the 24th for heaven's sake! **SIGH** What in the name of all that is holy or unholy is that all about???? OMG! I am so sorry this is on your plate.

    Ok . . . the rest of the drama llamas in your life. Hmmm . . . I would just totally ignore them! I remember when I was very ill and my neighbor KNEW this. My parents were @ my home DAILY taking care of me and my kids for 6 mths. She knew this. Ever an offer of a meal? Child care? Whatever????? NOT. When I was finally back on my feet 6 mths. later and learning to walk all over again I just made it a point to say NOTHING to her. I didn't even acknowledge her presence.

    As for my religious affiliation . . . doesn't even matter what it is! My church community didn't give a flim flam either! So, frackin' heck with them as well! Quit and never, ever looked back. It's sad.

    Family . . . what can I say. They may be relatives, but doesn't mean that unacceptable behavior has to be tolerated. So, I guess I've done that too . . . just been VERY QUIET and ignored them till I was asked, "Is something wrong?" Ummmm . . . yup. After I explained it, those that changed their 'tude, I associated with. Those that didn't, well . . . sorry. Can't have you in my life. Life is just way too short.

    Kitty, you have so much to deal with. So sorry! HUGS and good thoughts. You know WE'RE here for you.

    1738 days ago
  • DEEDEE1102
    Wow! For all you are going through, you are amazing! Push the piranhas to the wayside and concentrate on your hubby... and you!!
    1738 days ago
    emoticon emoticon What a mess!! I'll be praying for you, hubby & the fam.
    1738 days ago
    OHHHHH! So sorry to hear about DH & the medical issues, again.
    And that herd of llamas . . . . No! You DO NOT need any of that!!!

    Remember where your support is . . . your SparkFriends have your back.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    I hope you can find the strength to look at each of those llamas
    right in the face and say with all your might:
    "I do not need this." "Go away."

    You will be surprised how good it feels.

    Oh, and remember to breathe.
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    1738 days ago
  • MLH148
    Drama Llama suggests that you're just overreacting to people you can ignore if you want to. No, sweetie, you have REAL HUGE stressors. Hope things quiet a little. At least you have the healthy habits to try to get away temporarily (while you run or lift or whatever). Hope Hubby does OK. and, hey, it's summer. Who needs a roof? Oh, wait, rain? tornados? heat? bugs? Yeah - I guess roof isn't a frivolous luxury. emoticon emoticon
    1738 days ago
    Hugs to you and your hubby! I will keep all of you in my prayers, especially you and your determination! You are AWESOME!!!

    1738 days ago
  • CHERYLA2012
    Your family needs your attention.

    You need your strength.


    Ban the emotional vampires - doing that only has to be hard if you want to make it hard. You can cut them loose without an explanation. You do not need to engage them.

    I wish you strength. I wish you peace.
    1738 days ago
  • DAWNESS0404
    Prayers for your hubby!! Hope he feels better and all goes well w/ his surgery. And hugs to you!!
    1738 days ago
    So sorry that you are having to deal with so much right now. I'm always terrible at giving advice (not that you really wanted any LOL!). Just know that I am thinking of you and sending you positive vibes, prayers, and hugs all the way from Mexico!!

    You can do this!! emoticon

    1738 days ago
  • TROOPER1961
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    1738 days ago
    Oh Kitty!!! I am so sincerely sorry to hear all you are going through. I will send prayers for hubby that his surgery is a success and he is feeling better soon. You don't owe the drama llamas anything so just drop them and don't look back. Life is too short to let the wrong people in to your world. You are strong! You will get through this! One day at a time sweet lady! emoticon
    1738 days ago
    Wow! Let it all out, we're all here for you. That was a tough day. At least you ate healthy foods last night. It could have been worse. I'm actually amazed at how well you handled all this.

    True strong is the only choice you have right now but keep reaching out to the positive people in your life! You need to lean on someone too.

    I hope your husband is feeling a little better today!

    We're with you in spirit!
    1738 days ago
  • NEPTUNE1939
    My motto - "Can Do". emoticon
    1738 days ago
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