Thursday, June 13, 2013
The list of excuses I've used that never seem to help me lose weight -
"I'll start on Monday"
This gives me x number of days since I fell off the wagon (Tuesday afternoon?) during the week to eat whatever I want, because, after all, Monday is the deadline for getting myself back on track. Every week. All the time.
"Once I finish this [insert food name here], I'll start eating right"
Because eating the item in front of me means it's not going to waste. As if junk food isn't ALREADY waste...
"I'm on vacation"
Because being on a different schedule in a different location means the food I eat certainly won't have any effect on me whatsoever...
"It's a celebration!"
My son hit a baseball to the fence, which means ice cream for everyone! I can't possibly skip out on ice cream. And he only has games twice a week. Oh, and he's turning out to be a pretty good slugger...
"A summer picnic!"
Because I have to try a little of everything or else I'll be considered rude.
And because a second plate of everything just shows how much I'm enjoying myself.
And I'd better eat a few more of those [insert name of yummy looking homemade food here] because I may never have them ever ever ever again...
"I worked out today!"
Then by all means, make sure to inhale everything in your kitchen to overcompensate for the 200 extra calories you burned by walking the dog for a longer stretch.
"It's [insert date or name of event here]"
Thanksgiving, Christmas, Election Day, International Talk Like a Pirate Day. I mean, they all call for eating to your heart's content!!!
Although if I actually said that to myself, I'd be able to talk myself out of eating whatever concoction I whip up. But when I feel misunderstood, or lonely, or sad, or whatever it is when I'm not blissful, I reach for the crap food. And I don't stop until it's gone. It would only really be comforting if it was a fuzzy blanket.
"I'm tired and don't give a sh*t. I'll start tomorrow."
My being tired means I reach for quick-energy-spurt food, like cereal or something pantry-ready, overly loaded with carbs. As for the "I'll start tomorrow," please refer back to the first entry, "I'll start on Monday." (It's a vicious cycle, I'm tellin' ya!!!)
"It tastes good."
It can taste good with two or three bites. It doesn't have to continue tasting good through an entire bag or carton but I'm usually up for the challenge. Jim Gaffigan, the comedian, asked, "Have you ever eaten something and you didn't realize how bad it tasted until you've eaten the last bite? You say, 'Aww. That didn't even taste good. Now I need to eat something else to get the taste out of my mouth.'"
"No one will know I ate it"
Maybe not. But you and everyone you know will see the results. And they'll wonder what you've been eating. And because you haven't tracked it, you'll also wonder what you've been eating.
"But I don't get to eat this very often"
When I'm in my right mind I *KNOW* the world will not run out of my favorite ice cream. It's always there. Mashed potatoes are ALWAYS there. So I don't need to make like a squirrel and store them up for the apocalypse.
I think that's about it. My new motto is to be self-aware whenever I eat. This is going to be quite a challenge, and one that I hope doesn't spark my creative energy for conjuring new excuses.