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    MARF226   38,013
30,000-39,999 SparkPoints

You Worry Too Much

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Thursday, June 13, 2013

I feel like the only time I ever blog is to complain about things. And I should work on doing better to celebrate the good and positive and not just focus on the negative. That said, I'm irritated. haha

I was talking to one of my closest friends yesterday. I was talking to her about the silly drama of a single girl. Cut to the chase, I told her I might consider it if this guy wants to take me to out a NICE dinner with a NICE bottle of wine Ė where NICE means expensive because he can totally afford it (and heís such a goober, he really owes me one). Then I was saying there are so many great restaurants here in town that I donít go to because theyíre pricey and it would be such fun to go if he's paying. Except, I told her, Iíd get fat eating out that much.

Oh stop, she says. You look great. You worry too much about your weight. Maintaining weight loss is so much more fun and you should relax.

Good thing we were on the phone or I might have punched her. First of all, I still have 5 pounds to my goal weight so I should still be creating calorie deficits, not maintaining.

Second of all, yes, maintaining is so easy and so much fun that 95% of people who lose weight regain all of it and then some. I want to be in the 5% club. So no, I donít think I worry too much. In fact, Iím not sure I worry enough. Like I skipped the gym last night. (Not for lack of trying Ė I forgot my snacks for work, so I was starving when I left. I went home to eat and figured Iíd use the little gym in my building after dinner. Except everyone seemed to have the same thought and all 6 cardio machines were taken; so I ran some stairs to get my heart rate up and did some pushups and called it a day. Which I know was totally slacking and not good).

And to be totally ugly Ė sheís got quite a bit of weight to lose herself, so sheís one to talk about what it takes to maintain a healthy weight.

Stuff like that makes me crazy. If an alcoholic were to dry out, no one would tell her in 18 months Ė hey youíve been doing good for so long, go ahead and have a couple beers; you donít do it every day. Why is acceptable to tell someone who abused food, go ahead and eat like crap, itís not a big deal.

Granted, my abuse wasnít a full blown addiction, but it was abuse. I used it as a reward for doing things I didnít want to do. I used it as a comfort when I was lonely or unhappy. Itís easier now than it was because Iíve created new habits to fall back on. But just like an addict, I still need to be conscientious every day. Because I know that as soon as I ďrelaxĒ Iím going to get fat again. And I donít want to do that.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
ALICIA363 4/3/2015 4:13PM

The spreadsheet of AG&M blogs got me here, and I am so grateful it did! Awesome insights ... and now that I am closer to it, I can see that maintenance may be harder than losing.

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RX_2_RV 9/12/2013 4:49PM

    I ran across your blog on the list of featured blogs compiled by "At Goal & transitioning to maint." group.

Thanks for posting this one. I'll be using the "alcoholic analogy" to try to get through to my mom who is always tempting me (i.e. buying me a POUND of my favorite chocolate when she knows I am still trying to lose weight.) My brother suffers from alcoholism and she is very supportive of his sobriety. So I will ask for her support around my food issues.

Thanks again!

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CNC1967 7/10/2013 8:43AM

    So true thanks for sharing.

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CBKS810 7/8/2013 11:12PM

    I feel like I obsess over these issues, but this group gets it. Letting your guard down invariably means weight gain. I lost 35 pounds the first year I started tracking, and have been struggling to lose the last 10 for over a year. Mainly, I go up and down 3-4 pounds never touching those last ten. It is definitely hard work. It's good to be around like-minded people, it helps. Thanks for posting this.
When I'm really on track I remember that the truth is ,the LESS I eat, the BETTER I feel.

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LOGOULD 7/7/2013 3:42PM

    Being a recovering alcoholic myself, I can definitely say that I am also addicted to refined carbs and sugars. Once I start, it creates a craving in me that is insatiable. Maintenance IS hard work. I don't always want to get in my fitness, so I work on make it it as pleasurable as possible. I NEVER want to have to loose that weight again and I am learning to love the changes in me. It will be a lifelong journey, but I'm worth it - and so are YOU!!!

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SUSIEMT 7/5/2013 11:15AM

    Good blog! Great reminder!

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NELLJONES 7/4/2013 8:52AM

    Maintenance is as much fun as losing was. The more you can explore the incredible world of legal food, of cooking, of planning, the more you will enjoy maintaining. I've been at goal for over 40 years, and it isn't work as much as it is vigilance and faith. I don't worry about other people pushing food on me, I have long learned how to decline. Do you agonize over some guy coming on to you that you don't want? Of course not, because you really really want to say No and move on to the next thing. When you really really want to manage your weight with that same assurance, you'll be fine.

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ROXYCARIN 7/4/2013 12:38AM


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MILLIFRED 7/2/2013 1:18PM

    Lots of good points there; one that is sticking in my mind is how people do tend to invite us to "eat up" like we need to be encouraged! Others say they think we should not lose any more weight even though we think we need to lose another 10 pounds. Then I have another friend who is just the opposite; perhaps because she's a nutritionist and her weight appears to be just perfect. She encourages me not to stop too soon!

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EMILY0724 7/2/2013 9:27AM

    I KNOW!! I guess people have many reasons for telling us we look good "at this size." Whatever their reasons, be they encouragement or to make themselves feel better--I ignore them. I know what I want to look like.

You are so right about the addiction thing! It's rampant in this country. People in the rest of the world eat way more healthy than Americans. Those of us on this site improving our eating habits are actually going from abnormal to normal. That's something to feel good about.

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SAABSTORY 7/1/2013 12:34PM

    Must have been a lot of that going around, people telling others to lighten up with it. No, I can't lighten up thank you very much. I have "lightened up" to the tune of 100 pounds and I am not going to allow myself to undo all that work. I am going to keep on with this and see it through finally. Hopefully you and I and everyone here is part of that 5%!

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KANOE10 7/1/2013 8:16AM

    Great blog. Yes, I have had people tell me the same just relax and enjoy myself. People do not realize how difficult maintenance is and yes, we want to stay in that 5 percent who keep it off. I had my mother comment, " Are you still on that crazy diet?" It is called maintenance and healthy eating.

Good for you sticking to your way of eating despite what others say.


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KAB7801 6/30/2013 9:19PM

    You said it right

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ELMA1913 6/30/2013 10:55AM

    Oh, I can SO relate!

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AUNTCAT 6/30/2013 10:24AM

    Well said! emoticon

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AUNTCAT 6/30/2013 10:23AM

    Well said! emoticon

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AUNTCAT 6/30/2013 10:19AM

    Great blog. It is a constant struggle to eat healthy when so many people tell you constantly to splurge. Now that I'm retired I'm more conscious of how poorly I was eating due to convenience. I am/was such an emotional eater. Now if I just need to munch I try to grab something like a cucumber. emoticon

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SANDICANE 6/29/2013 7:33AM

    Oh my goodness, you are singing my song! And really, only an addict who doesn't want to be addicted any longer would understand US! I used to go to TOPS. The leader would lose 1/4 lb one week and be up 3 the next! She used to say "I don't deny myself" and I used to think "then you don't understand your/our addiction!!!" I finally stopped going there. But as for the rest of the world, there are really only a few of us who understand, and who REALLY WANT TO BE IN THAT 5%!!!!

I finally quit smoking for good in 1994, after MANY attempts, and after having quit for 7 years and then starting again for ANOTHER 4 YEARS before I could quit again! Oh, I often say, "Would I have another cigarette now to be sociable????" Of course not! And I don't want to EVER have to lose another 50 lbs!!!

Keep fighting...never stop! And don't listen to those who do not understand us!


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JSTETSER 6/28/2013 7:32AM


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PHEBESS 6/28/2013 4:53AM

    I think to maintain, you need to worry just enough - not obsessively, but vigilantly. Which you do.

So next time she tells you that you worry too much, tell her nah, you worry just enough. (It'll shut her up, and she won't know what to say, LOL!)

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LIBERTYWALK 6/28/2013 12:41AM

    There is certainly an addictive element to certain foods. For me, it's overt sweets, such as candies and desserts. If I allow myself a dessert once a month, then I want one once a week, then once a day, then after every meal, until the ice cream in the freezer is calling my name all day long. You can only say "NO" to the cravings so many times before they catch you at a weak moment. Therefore, I abstain from sweets and desserts. When I do, the cravings virtually disappear.

Studies have shown that food (and thoughts of food) can stimulate the release of the same "feel good" chemicals that fuel drug and alcohol addictions (but to a lesser extent.) I've read that manufacturer's use this fact to engineer foods that will make consumers become "addicted" and therefore become loyal customers. Many of these foods combine fats, sugars, and salt...a combination that does not exist in nature.

The alcoholic can walk away from alcohol. Unfortunately, the food addict cannot walk away from food. So to use your words, we can't relax. In my opinion, that is partially what makes maintenance so hard. Most people don't understand that...they see losing weight as a "diet" that you can give up when you reach your goal. Your friend apparently has the "diet" mentality.

You have what it takes to go the distance. You have the determination, the understanding and the commitment. You've created new habits to fall back on when the going gets tough. Oh, and by the way, you were not totally slacking by skipping the gym. You can't have a good work out if you're starving anyway. You ran some stairs and did some pushups. Good for you.

The things people say irritate me, too. Someone referred to my "diet" today. I DO NOT DIET. I guess we should make these teaching opportunities?

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SUSANFL1 6/27/2013 11:56PM

    It's nice to know that other people get it when it comes to maintenance. I am constantly told I should relax and "enjoy" myself more by eating stuff that made me heavy to begin with. I agree that being at goal is harder than weight loss. I miss the excitement of losing. Great post.

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CAROLISCIOUS 6/27/2013 9:16PM

    I just dare someone to tell me to relax about my weight maintenance...seriously! That's MY business!

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JULENA1 6/27/2013 9:05PM

    You're right maintaining is not easy. emoticon

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WATERMELLEN 6/27/2013 8:06PM

    Great blog, totally agree with you that maintaining is tough -- and that tracking is eternal!!

The same discipline that got you through law school and keeps you practising law is entirely transferrable to weight loss/weight loss maintenance.

But: as between law and weight control, I certainly know which is easier!!

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LRSILVER 6/27/2013 7:53PM

    Well said

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MOBYCARP 6/27/2013 4:51PM

    You're right, it takes a lot of attention to maintain. i might take more attention to maintain than to lose weight. When losing, you want to create a calorie deficit and don't worry too much if it's a deficit of 400 or 700 calories per day. But in maintenance, you want to create a calorie balance, and being off by 300 calories per day in a consistent direction will show up on the scale over time.

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ADRIENALINE 6/27/2013 4:37PM

    You are so right. I know you are cream those last few pounds and you have what it takes to stay there. When I reached my goal weight my husband rewarded me by replacing our IKEA salad bowl with a beautifully carved acacia wood one that I had been coveting. He really gets it, since he knows I'd be raging if he suggested a trip to our favorite little Italian place to celebrate.

Maintaining is harder than getting to your goal weight we all know that hy doesn't the rest of the world get it?

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DESERTJULZ 6/27/2013 4:26PM

    You have the attitude to make you one of the 5%. :D

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MANILUS 6/27/2013 2:47PM

    Health is a lifelong effort, definitely something to be mindful of. Great job on your progress!

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IAMAGEMLOVER 6/27/2013 2:19PM

    I think maintaining my weight is harder than losing the weight. I find if i bring treats home, I eat them in two nights. I have to constantly watch and stay vigilant. My niece graduated high school and we had a party. I had the food, and one cookie. When someone handed me a slice of cake I said no thank you. Oh come on you don't eat it everyday. I said no thank you, I had a nice dinner and a cookie and I am quite comfortable thank you. People get insulted but that is there problem, not mine.

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MILLIE5522 6/27/2013 1:40PM

    I think maintaining is difficult,psychologically speaking, because I am eating the same amount of calories that I did to lose 40 lbs but now I do not get that thrill of getting to a new low weight. Sometimes I do "relax" but the scale punishes me with a 3 lb weight gain overnight! emoticon

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PRESBESS 6/27/2013 12:52PM

    I can understand. Relaxing on your lifestyle of exercise and making the right food choices will surely lead to great disappointment. Don't do it.

I hope you get to go on the date and go to a fancy restaurant!
emoticon emoticon

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ELLEKTRA 6/27/2013 12:40PM

    I have been maintaining for over 2 years and still don't know what the he** I am doing and still trying to get to that place where I can I understand completely what you are saying.
I think your attitude is spot on! Well done on all you've done and accomplished!

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MANDELOVICH 6/27/2013 10:53AM

    Great work being so consistent!

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CINDYKC2000 6/27/2013 10:53AM

    You are so right. Maintaining is work just as much as losing weight is. It sounds like your friend is a little jealous of your success.

emoticon forward to a healthier lifestyle. And, yes, treat yourself sometimes.

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MILLEDGE2 6/27/2013 10:50AM

    PREACH IT! Best wishes for even more success as you get closer to goal and maintenance.

But do remember this: you DON'T have to be on maintenance the rest of your life, if that seems too daunting. Instead, just promise yourself you'll maintain for, oh, say, fifty years. When you've accomplished that, you can reassess if you want to continue or go back to your pre-Spark ways! emoticon

Thanks for posting!

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MNSMOV 6/27/2013 10:50AM

    Yes, I know what you mean. I still have about 8 more lbs to go and I am not even stick thin now. and I dont fast. I just make healthier choices. My own family and friends always act as if I don't touch any food at all and say how I always seem to not eat anything and worry too much "Diet" too much.

My husband is the only one who supports me and makes me realize I want it more so it should be my choice to continue to make healthier choices and work out - no matter what anyone else says.
I try to move on thinking may be they mean well as they have not seen me thin EVER - so they don't know how to perceive that.

But it is harder to keep on going when everyone tell you - you have kinda arrived. It is easier to take it for granted and harder to be motivated then

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GETFIT2LIVE 6/27/2013 10:30AM

    I hear you! Maintaining is and probably always will be hard work--yes, it is fun wearing a smaller size and not worrying if you'll fit in a seat or be the biggest person in the room, but it is work. I'm sure your friend didn't mean any harm with her comment, she just doesn't understand what it takes to keep the weight off.; I'm with you on wanting to do everything I can to be part of the 5%, in fact, I'd like to be part of a trend who sees that percentage grow.

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BOOKAPHILE 6/27/2013 10:19AM

    It's so hard for someone who hasn't had a weight problem, or someone who does but has never lost the weight and kept it off, to understand that maintenance is HARD work. You've got the right focus on keeping it off this time. We all slack once in a while... we just don't let it happen very often. Good luck with those last 5!

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KELLIEBEAN 6/27/2013 10:13AM

    Hi there. I think maintenance is harder than losing weight personally. Sometimes people make those comments to feel better about themselves. Deep down they wish they could adopt a healthier lifestyle and for whatever reason, they are just not there yet.

I got below my goal weight last year but often fluctuate between the same three pounds. The At Goal and Mainenance team has really helped keep me on track.

Congratualations on your hard work and accomplishments! Continued success to you.


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CELIAMINER 6/27/2013 10:06AM

    Maybe she didn't go about it in the way you wanted, but it sounded like your friend was complimenting you on your success (and maybe feeling a little guilty that she hasn't taken charge like you have?)

Anyway, her comment, "Maintaining weight loss is so much more fun and you should relax," struck me in a way I didn't expect. All this time, I've been moaning about how much work maintaining is (and, yes, I wouldn't mind taking off a few more pounds), but perhaps it's my attitude that needs adjusting. All the head games I played, all the challenges I entered, all the cheesy little reward calendars I made somehow helped make the weight-loss phase more fun, especially when I saw results. I have to admit the maintenance challenges are kinda fun and a source of accountability, but I wonder what else would make maintenance fun?

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FUNLOVEN 6/15/2013 11:40AM

    Don't you love friends like that - LOL ! I agree with you 100% I have more than 5# to go before I reach my goal, but THIS TIME I have every intention of maintaining when I get there. I know that the minute I let my guard down when the day gets here and start thinking "this diet is done" instead of thinking "I want to continue this healthy life style" that those pounds will creep back on. So KUDOS to you for your commitment emoticon

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LAWANDMUSIC 6/14/2013 3:30PM

    Um, yeah. Now, how about the celebration? I sure hope you celebrate each and every day that you have a calorie deficit!

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