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I am enough!

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

I am enough
I am brave
I am courageous
I am beautiful
I am worthy
I am loved
I am intelligent
I am alive
I am safe
I am free

I have had a break in my step basically had a pretty big set back this weekend; pretty bad flashbacks set by something as silly as a bottleneck beer bottle. Took me back to very painful memories that my father did to my siblings and myself and blamed me. Alot of negative thoughts and things came out of my mouth on how i was feeling as i opened up and shared my memory with my therapist somewhere in there i said i was not worthy but i also felt alot of anger and anxiety and sadness. Therapist reminded me that i was worth and reminded me that i was safe and that what i was feeling was normal but under no circumstances was i to take on blame, shame or guilt over what had happened. I understood what she was saying and reminded me of the now and how i feel about me. IT IS SO HARD!!

I have been going to a group therapy for my eating disorder and we are always hitting tough topics its 14 weeks and wow the last three session i have had to force myself to go because it IS HARD!! Sometimes i leave confused or with alot of emotions...

My therapist says it is through the hard work I am doing that will lead to the change i hope to have. Without the hard work i would be where i was 2 years ago. Binging and purging and not caring about myself much. I am to be gentle and kind and not beat up on myself... I am really trying to stay positive but it is a struggle.

Anyway I will continue pushing my way through! emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NBARNES 6/13/2013 6:47PM

    Oh Emm...be gentle with yourself. Take care and know that for all the people who've hurt you there are dozens and dozens who want to help and support you.
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SEWINGMAMACDS 6/13/2013 3:42PM

    emoticon emoticon I am right behind you emoticon for you!

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SUNPANTHER 6/13/2013 1:42AM

    A wise therapist once said to me that "when our emotions are disproportionate to the situation, our past has joined us"

I can't imagine how hard it was to face the memories, and particularly the thoughts, feelings and sensations that have arisen because of them, making your present so challenging. I can only encourage you to engage yourself with the present - check the time, stamp your feet, count down from 20 by 1.5 - anything that forces you out of overwhelm and back where you are now, so you can continue to make choices based not on those feelings and thoughts, but on where you are now, and where you want to be going.

Good luck. I also am recovering from an eating disorder and understand how hard it is to trust ourselves and our bodies, to survive, without these behaviours.

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NOMADATORES 6/13/2013 1:39AM

    Reading your blog has truly been an inspiration to me. Your journey shows you have a heart of a warrior and it shines through in your perseverance. You are all of those things ;listed and more. emoticon emoticon

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