Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Sorry I haven't been around. Work trip, then crazy busy work, and all non-work time has been devoted to packing, unpacking, laundry, and/or bridal shower prep. Almost there - it's this weekend.
So I will probably be more or less MIA until, like, AUGUST. I'm sorry. I do miss you all.
Quick update. And, you know. "The Wagon."
I very much dislike the idea of "on the wagon"/"off the wagon" as a concept. Because it has been very unhelpful to me historically. (And, I would guess, for people in general...) That's the whole Opposite Of Spark thing, where you're "on your diet" and being "perfect" or "off your diet" and "being bad." Feel virtuous but restricted, feel guilty. Nah.
It's been much better for me to just be a person with a life. When I am super busy, as people get, I exercise a little less and prepare fewer meals from scratch. But that doesn't mean I can't still make good choices.
Which I have been doing, more or less, with varying success. The first work trip went fine, as I mentioned previously. In between I have had days where I ate very healthily, and days where not so much.
I imagine I am not losing weight because I am not maintaining enough of a calorie deficit CONSISTENTLY enough. It's really not a mystery plateau or anything like that - I'm not working as hard as I could.
I'm not gaining much though either. If you took a 6 week moving average I'm pretty much sitting still. Finally updated my weight tracker - historically, not updating it until I weigh less than what it says, my current "all time low", has never been helpful or positive for my lifestyle journey, either.
I only mention The Wagon, because I had a day recently, it was probably yesterday or the day before, where I remember thinking to myself "If this is me falling off the wagon, it's not so much 'falling' off as 'diving headfirst' off..."
Which... yeah, kinda. I ate tater tots because I was in the vicinity of a Sonic, no other reason. I ate ice cream three times - ice cream sandwich at lunch, tiny milkshake @ Sonic, a few bites from the freezer when I got home. I ate candy on top of all that ice cream.
Even with all that though, I'm still not in full backslide to 300-pound-me habits. BUT. I was getting closer. Habits I got out of a loooong time ago were feeling like they might creep back. And I just looked at that day and went "okay, enough." I feel yucky, and none of the food made me happier or less stressed, so... we're done with that.
I'm having my big salad for lunch today. Not because I'm "back on The Wagon"* but because I felt like if I don't eat a significant quantity of vegetables soon, my organs are going to crawl out of my mouth in the middle of the night and strangle me in protest.
So my goals for the next few insane weeks of my life will be to feed myself healthy nutritious food and drink water water WATER - that's always the first habit to go to crap when I get busy or whatever.
I will be celebrating my 1 year Sparkiversary soon... I think now is a good time to reflect and focus on habits, because I can feel myself wanting to be depressed that I "only" lost 50 pounds in a year, when lots of Sparkers have lost 90-100 in a year. I'm not them and I don't live their lives. It's cool. I need to focus on me me me.
*just typed "bacon" there instead of "back on"! Heh. Back on the Bacon Wagon?